In Another Life

168

His words had my heart actually aching. Justin was right. He was the one to save me and I knew that. Colby...Colby was like my drug. I wanted it, felt like I needed it, but in reality it was just bad for me and ended up hurting me. I knew that wasn't fair to Colby, to blame what had happened on him. We had both agreed that separating would be for the best. But what came after...I guess I just blamed him, because he was the one that I was trying to forget. It wasn't his fault though. I had done this before. I never told anyone except my best friends, Denise, Sarah, and Kenzie. They were the only ones who knew, until Justin. I had finally trusted him enough, after he had been through this with me, to tell him what had happened to me so long ago. Colby didn't know about any of it. Not this time, and not last time. Part of me wished that I would never see him again, but a larger, much more prominent part hoped, more than anything, that I would see him again very soon. After Justin and I finished talking, me promising that I loved him, and I would never hurt him like that, we got into bed and started our routine of watching YouTube until he fell asleep. It usually didn't take too long and he was a hard sleeper when he finally did go to sleep. Before long, I heard his light snores, so I changed the YouTube channel to storm sounds so that he would sleep better. Afterwards, I got up and grabbed my photography portfolio, and a few old photograph albums. I know that people don't use those much anymore but there's just something really special to me about printed out photos that I can flip through in a book. I took these things out onto the balcony and settled into my squishy chair that I had. It was low to the ground and really comfortable. Instead of reaching for my portfolio, which I really needed to get straight before Monday morning, I grabbed the first album I could reach and opened it up. I smiled seeing the pictures of Denise, Sarah, Kenzie and I in the car, smiling and laughing, making stupid faces. These were the memories that I wanted to hold onto forever. I flipped the page, and grazed my fingers over the images, trying to remember when the pictures were taken. I had taken a lot of pictures of us when we'd been driving places, always in my old blazer, which I still missed. It had finally broken down on me, so I sold it to the junkyard. I was saving up for a new car now. My phone started vibrating against my stomach, from the inside of my hoodie, making me jump a little. Who the hell was calling me this late? Oh my God, what if something was wrong?! I fumbled a little trying to get the phone out, knocking the album to the ground, before I was able to get the phone. It was after three in the morning and I didn't recognize the number. "H-hello?" I replied cautiously, praying that nothing was wrong with any of my friends, and even my family. We might not get along very well, but they were still my parents. "Terra," that voice breathed into the phone, causing me to almost choke on the breath that I was taking. "Colby!" I blurted out, then slapped my hand over my mouth. "Hold on," I whispered into the phone. I might've been on the balcony, but these walls weren't that thick so I didn't want to be too loud and wake Justin up. I got up and went inside, checking on him. He was still fast asleep, having pulled my pillow into his arms, hugging it. I smiled at his sleeping form, then frowned when I remember who was on the phone. I walked back out to the balcony and picked up my phone before sitting back down. "Colby, why are you calling me? I thought I said this wasn't a good idea. How did you even get my number?" I asked, playing with a stray string that was coming from my sleeve. "Sarah gave it to me," he replied. I could hear the nervousness coming from his voice and I imagined him twisting his rings on his fingers or his earring. Maybe automatically fixing his hair like he always did. I wondered if he still did those things. "Sarah? I'm gonna have to have a talk with her about giving my number out without permission," I grumbled into the phone. I wasn't really mad at her, and honestly, I was thrilled to hear his voice...but I already felt like I was cheating and Justin didn't deserve that. "Terra, I'm sorry. I just had to talk to you. I begged her. Please don't be mad at her," he said quietly. "I'm not mad at her," I replied. "What do you want Colby? I'm not so sure I should be talking to you, especially with Justin being asleep." He sucked in a breath and I knew that me saying that affected him. I was sorry but both of us had moved on. "Besides, how would your girl feel if she knew we were talking? I'm sure she wouldn't be happy after you ran out on her tonight," I continued. He let out a low sad chuckle. "It doesn't matter what she thinks. We broke up," he replied. I took in those words, surprised at how happy they made me. "You did?" I asked in surprise. "Why?" "Because of you T. Because I love you," he said, his voice clear and confident, but I still hear the nerves below the false confidence. "What?! Colby you can't just say things like that," I retaliated, feeling my heart beating out of my chest. "Why would you say that? You know that I'm with Justin. You can't, I can't...why would you do this?!" I couldn't think straight, my brain was all jumbled and those four little words kept replaying themselves over and over in my head.