In Another Life

112

 My stomach was twisting and turning and not in a good way. I tasted bile in the back of my throat and I felt sick because I knew he wasn't talking about Denise and Corey anymore. I also knew that he wasn't wrong because I had been forcing the very same thoughts from my mind for a while now. He took my hand and squeezed it gently, but didn't look at me. Sam got Denise and I the room booked, so we went back upstairs to grab our stuff and put it in our room. It was located two doors down from Sam and Colby, three from Jake and Corey. The room looked the same as the others, maybe decorated slightly different, but the same old school, homey bed and breakfast type of thing. There were white lace curtains over the windows, a cushy white comforter on the bed, with black carpet lining the floor. Random pieces of art work and photography littered the walls, making the room not so bare. There was one bed, which was fine, because Denise and I had shared a bed plenty of times. We dumped our bags on the bed, with plans to put our things away later. Colby went back to his room to shower and change, leaving the other guys hanging out in our room with us. "Thanks for getting this room for us Sam," I said quietly, spreading my hand over the soft comforter, while I sat on the bed next to him and Denise. Jake and Corey were taking turns using his paddle ball, laughing when they would hit each other. Sam met my gaze and I was startled again by how blue his eyes really were. He was a beautiful man and Katrina was so lucky to have him. He smiled gently at me, but I could see the uncertainty in his eyes. "It's no problem Terra. We're glad to have you guys here. It's fun hanging out with you, it's just..." His voice trailed off as he looked away from me towards Jake and Corey. I was quiet for a moment, trying to give him time to say whatever it was he wanted to say, but that tight ball was forming in my chest again. "What Sam? It's just what?" I asked, my voice full of impatience. He sighed and looked back over to me. "You know I like you Terra. Really. I think you're good for Colby and I know he really likes you. Maybe more than he's liked anyone before. It's just I don't see how this can work and I know that Colby has been thinking the same things. I don't want either of you getting hurt, but that's the only way that this will end. You guys live two completely different lives." I closed my eyes, feeling his blue ones burning into my eye lids as he stared at me. "I'm not trying to hurt you T. I just don't want Colby getting hurt anymore than he already has...or you either. I know this is hard for both of you, but ignoring it won't make it go away." I sighed heavily and opened my eyes to meet his gaze again. The pain in them almost took my breath away. He really cared about Colby, that much was evident. "I know it's not going to work Sam. I just keep thinking that maybe something will happen that will give us a chance to make it work. I keep telling myself that if we just hang on a little bit longer, everything will work out and we can be together for real. There's no way that I can break things off with him. Don't you understand that? It's too late. It has always been too late because I fell in love with him before I even met him." I felt my eyes watering and filling with tears. "He'll have to let me go because I'm not strong enough to do it." Sam wrapped his arm around my shoulder, bringing me too him as he rubbed my back. "I'm sorry Terra. I really didn't mean to make you cry or hurt your feelings. I just see how far Colby has fallen but I also see what goes on behind his eyes, what he's been thinking. I wanted you to be prepared and not blindsiding for what I think is coming. He's too good of a guy to keep you hanging on when he finally admits to himself that there is no way that you guys can work." I sniffed a little, and took a shaky breath, forcing myself to be strong. I wouldn't be this way. I could break down later. After I've had an amazing time with the Trap Boys and my best friend, hunting ghosts and just hanging out. I wouldn't overthink anything, I wouldn't allow myself to ruin this trip. Which reminded me..."Fuck," I grumbled out, sitting away from Sam as I pulled out my phone. It was on silent again and I had twelve missed calls and ten texts from Sarah. I called her back quickly, and listened to her irritated voice as she picked up. "Where the fuck are you Terra? Is everything okay? I have been worried SICK about you!" I felt bad that I hadn't remembered to call her or my job and let them know that I wouldn't be in, but I had just forgotten. It had totally slipped my mind. "I'm sorry Sarah. I was busy and just forgot. Can you let everyone know that I'm just not feeling well? I think I might have the flu or something." I let out a measly cough or two, making my voice sound extra dry and pathetic. I never was a good actress. I heard her scoff quietly. "Yeah, sure T, I got you. I hope you feel better really soon. Tell Colby I said hi, by the way," she replied. "I love you, and take care of yourself." "I love you too Sarah. Thank you," I said quietly, grateful for her in that moment. I knew she had went out on a limb for me, getting me this job. I didn't want to be ungrateful and cause her to get into trouble, and I didn't want to lose the job. It was all had right now. Photography might be what I really wanted to do, but it wasn't really paying the bills right now. I sighed and hung up the phone. "Everything okay?" Denise asked, taking her eyes off of Corey for a moment.