𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐄 | k.raehyun

Mental Health

Raehyun felt numb for the past few weeks. It was as if someone or thing was holding her down and wouldn't allow her to advance in her life like she once wanted to do. Still, she felt insecure about herself and tried her best to not look into the mirror at all times and focused on the ground and her feet rather than forward like she once did. During this time, she began to feel uncomfortable being in the public and perform. She felt like she wasn't worthy enough to stand in front of such a large crowd and sing and dance for them. It would feel like they were all judging her instead of supporting her. Fans noticed her change of behaviour and have been worried for her since first noticing the change. It broke fans hearts when they noticed how she didn't look at ATINY with her usual bright smile like she used to or did she interact energetically with them either. It pained them to see her fake smile during promotions and in concerts.

One day, Raehyun was called to KQ's CEO's office for a personal meeting with him and their manager. Inside that room, it was silent and not a single person talked as much. "Raehyun-ah," her boss called, making her snap her head up to look at them after gazing at her fiddling fingers. "What's going on? Why are you acting strange these past few days?" they frowned at her.

"I-i'm sorry," she bowed her head. She could feel her eyes begin to water and a layer of clear blurry glass began to shield her vision. "I-i just can't do it..." she shook her head as the tears fell endlessly. Her CEO and manager frowned at her. They have never seen Raehyun cry this much nor be in such pain. Seeing her like this made their hearts shatter. "They hate me a-and I don't know why. I feel like I can't breathe without everyone criticising me and I'm just so overwhelmed and," she cried, ranting her feelings as she sobbed.

"Raehyun," her manager softly called her, rubbing her back as he handed her a tissue to wipe her tears away. "Take a few weeks of break. Go see family, this is clearly affecting you badly. We'll take care of your schedule and let fans know," her CEO informed her in a soft voice. She nods and leaves with her manager after thanking him and her manager.

When she got to the dorms, she wrote a handwritten for fans and gave it to her manager to hand over to the CEO. She informed the boys, who were understanding of her feelings and gave her encouraging words.

RAEHYUN'S LETTER

Hello, it's Raehyun.

Honestly, I never thought I would write something like this but things happen spontaneously. Recently, many of you have noticed my change of behaviour and constantly ask about my health.

I always replied that I was fine but I was wrong. I was not fine. I am still not fine. I have gotten more insecure with myself than I ever was when I was younger. I feel numb whenever I am in public. I want to hide from the world and never come out. I do not want to be an Idol anymore because of this. The things I once loved about myself was turned against me and were turned into negative things. I spent nights crying from the comments about my weight and image. I read the ones that called me lazy and untalented.

At first, I ignored them and tried to move along from it, but the more I ignore it, the more hate I seemed to get. It haunted me. In my dreams, my thoughts, everywhere. I went numb because of these haunting words. I believe it and thought I was the most useless person on this planet and that I didn't deserve to debut with such talented boys like ATEEZ. I have never felt more vulnerable than I do at this very moment.

I hope ATINY understand and will wait for me.

Thank you, Kim Raehyun.

𝗼𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿:
안녕하세요, 래현입니다,

솔직히, 나는 이런 식으로 글을 쓰지 않을 것이라고 생각했지만 일이 자발적으로 발생합니다. 최근에, 여러분 중 많은 사람들이 저의 행동 변화를 알아 차리고 끊임없이 내 건강에 대해 묻습니다.

나는 항상 내가 괜찮다고 대답했지만 틀렸다. 나는 좋지 않았다. 나는 여전히 좋지 않다. 내가 어렸을 때보 다 나 자신보다 더 불안해졌습니다. 나는 공공 장소에있을 때마다 감각이 없다. 세상에서 숨기고 싶지 않아요. 나는이 때문에 더 이상 우상이되고 싶지 않다. 한때 나 자신에 대해 사랑했던 것들이 나를 대적하여 부정적인 것으로 바뀌 었습니다. 나는 밤에 내 몸무게와 이미지에 대한 의견을 외치며 울었습니다. 나는 게으르고 재능이 없다고 읽은 것을 읽었습니다.

처음에 나는 그것들을 무시하고 그것을 따라 가려고 노력했지만, 그것을 무시할수록 더 미워하는 것처럼 보였다. 그것은 나를 괴롭혔다. 내 꿈, 내 생각, 어디서나. 나는이 잊혀진 말 때문에 마비되었다 나는 그것을 믿고이 지구상에서 가장 쓸모없는 사람이라고 생각했고 에이티즈와 같은 재능있는 소년들과 데뷔 할 자격이 없다고 생각했습니다. 지금이 순간보다 더 취약하다고 느낀 적이 없습니다.

에이티니가 나를 이해하고 기다릴 수 있기를 바랍니다.

감사합니다 김래현.