The Lion And His Lioness

But... What Do I Want?

The Lion And His Lioness -- A Hamilton Fanfiction
Chapter 12 - But... What Do I Want?

Esperanza
"Zar, we're here," Jackie said. He had successfully snapped me out of my flashback. I nodded and we both got out of the carriage, making our way up the steps that lead to the Schuyler Mansion. I think Pa noticed that I had had a flashback because before he entered the house with Ma because he pulled me in for a quick hug and what he said strengthened that theory.

"She's in a better place now, they both are," he whispered into my hair as he hugged me for a couple heartbeats before kissing the top of my head, letting go and entering the Mansion with Ma holding onto the crook of his arm.

"You ready to face the music?" Jackie asked as we watched my brothers go in and start to mingle with all of the different ladies, probably hoping to find someone to court and wed later in life, or in a couple weeks since there was a war going on right now.

"Yeah," I replied after watching people enter the house. Jackie held his arm out and I hooked my arm through his, taking a deep breath and picking up my dress as we climbed the stairs. We entered the house and were immediately greeted with music and people dancing, drinking, mingling, and chatting.

Jackie and I made our way over to where Alexi, Laffy, and Mulli were, drinks in hand. "Hey, guys!" Jackie greeted, his face split in a wide smile that showed his teeth. I could tell I was distracted by that flashback, but I just couldn't help but be distracted. I missed Anna and Dan so much. I know they're watching over me but it just hurt when I saw people walking with their siblings and having no care in the world.

We used to be like that, I would think whenever I saw siblings in New York, the Camps, or in Mount Vernon. Then reality of the harsh world hit us, forcing us backwards thousands of feet and hundreds of feet apart from each other. Dan was the closest to the Lord, Anna the second closest and me being the furthest away from the Lord, meaning I had time. Or... more time than they were granted, at least.

Looking around the room, I saw a pair of French doors leading out to a balcony that overlooked the beautiful gardens that surrounded the Mansion itself. I excused myself from the four boys and made my way through the crowds, towards the balcony.

Once I got to the balcony, I leaned onto the stone railing with my head resting in my hand with my other arm resting on the railing, using it as a support. I then positioned myself so that both of my arms were on the stone railing with my eyes looking towards the slowly darkening sky, the stars starting to come out to play.

"I'm sorry," I whispered quietly, tears starting to flow down my cheeks. I heard someone rest on the railing next to me. I glanced to the side and saw that it was Pa, his eyes searching the sky. When he realised I was looking at him, he pulled me towards him in a hug as tears started to cascade down my cheeks.

"Shh, it's alright. They're in a better place now," he murmured into my hair, pressing a kiss to the crown of my head. I continued to cry, not realising that Pa wasn't hugging me anymore and that someone else was hugging me until I felt them tilt my head up and made our eyes connect. I immediately noticed Laffy's dark eyes which held sympathy as he held me against his chest. By the looks of it, Pa had headed back inside to Ma to probably keep up the appearance that everything was fine and that I wasn't wallowing away in grief for my siblings.

"Will you grieve for forever?" He asked in a soft whisper after I had calmed down some while he continued to hold me close to his chest, our eyes looking at the starry night sky.

I didn't take my eyes off the star-filled sky that used to give me hope when my sister was alive as I replied. "I shall forever grieve."

Washington
I was mingling with Philip Schuyler, another general in the Army and my youngest daughter's godfather, when I saw Es heading to the balcony at the back of the house that overlooked the beautiful gardens and had a clear view of the night sky. I quickly excused myself and followed her out onto the balcony. I leaned against it so that my back was to the gardens. I glanced at Es to see her looking at me. I pulled her into a hug, rocking us backwards and forwards slightly. "Shh, it's alright. She's in a better place now, they both are." I murmured, kissing the top of her head. We stayed like that for a while before Gilbert came out.