Crossroads (A Naruto Fanfiction)

Silver Haired Trainer

I had given up the thought of becoming a shinobi after the failed initial training attempt and some time to think it all over ever since. Nevermind that I lacked the necessary abilities to fight in the field, there was the one thing most young academy students tended to ignore: homicide. I wanted to ask Itachi about his opinions. Could his ideals have changed from what I knew? Did he accept it? Did he care for it?

Yet, even without asking, there was one thing I was certain as to why Itachi wouldn't avoid it. It was normal in this world of shinobi to kill and Itachi saw no other path than to become one of them. He was raised since birth to become one after all. The me, who had memories of growing up in a world that condemned the very thought of murder, detested the idea of killing. What if I killed an innocent child soldier for the sole reason of them being from an opposing village? It sent shivers down my spine.

So when Kakashi was introduced to me as my new trainer, I was both excited and reluctant. If he was here to train me, did Father still believe that I was capable of becoming a shinobi? Even if my body caught up physically, mentally... I don't think I'd be very effective.

It was funny really. That thing that had told me to change the destiny of this world, did it know that I wouldn't be able to fight for change? Out of all the souls, that thing picked me. Then, perhaps, it would regret it when I failed my mission. Did it regret it already? The world going to shit or no, I still wanted to give Itachi the chance of a happy life. I was able to change things for Obito, didn't I? I was able to prevent the elongation of the war, right? I did it without hurting ---

"What are you?"

I grasped my chest and wrinkled the shirt over it. I stared at the ceiling with painfully wide eyes and tried to take in a few breaths, but the air just wouldn't go in. I felt like I was drowning. My entire body trembled and it was soon that a shadow fell over me. With a snap, my body settled down. I gulped down large intakes of air as my vision adjusted enough to see Itachi bent over me. His hands cupped my cheek. I could hear the chirping of grasshoppers and the breeze of the late night. I could practically feel Itachi's worry. Everything was just so vividly clear before that too settled down and I was finally back to normal.

A panic attack. Again.

"A nightmare?" Itachi asked and I nodded my head to ease his tension. I was thankful Itachi had gone to bed before me or he would have known I had been awake the entire time. My thoughts just wouldn't settle down because I was concerned for the future. Not to mention that October 10th was just a week down the line.

Why did I have to remember the woman now? The memory was always locked away to the point that I forget about it. The incident just felt so disconnected from me, that it didn't even feel like I... I killed her. There was just no way she survived that. And I did it.

Itachi pulled my head so my forehead rested on his shoulder and it didn't take me long to realize that I was crying. There was just no stopping it at this moment and I cried for a long while. Itachi held me the entire time, and when the tears finally stopped, he sighed. "I want to know what's hurting you, Satsuki."

I nodded my head in understanding. I wanted to know so many things too. The fact that it was my disability that caused so much conflict within me and others, it just frustrated me to no end. I needed to learn how to read and write faster. I needed to figure out how I could talk again. I just needed to move past all this.

.

.

.

Kakashi was an awkward teacher. Like how I was physically inept, Kakashi was socially so, and it didn't help that I was more or less similar to him and worse. Before he could even explain to me what we were going to do, we spent a good half hour sitting face to face on the ground of my family backyard in silence as he tried to figure out a way to begin.

"Do you know what Chakra is?" He finally asked stiffly.

I did know the concept of Chakra, but as I am now, I'm not supposed to know anything, so I shook my head.

"Ah, right... Chakra is energy everyone has, but shinobi are the ones who use it. It's important to know that a person can lose their chakra, but if they do, they die." Kakashi paused for a moment to observe my expression to make sure I was following his words. It was obvious as to how hard Kakashi was trying to dumb down the explanation and I was glad to make it easier for him. I had a rather mature brain after all. "Chakra flows through your body from a certain point, which is here. We call this the chakra pool." He pointed to my stomach. "Do you know how blood flows through our veins?"

I nodded without realizing it and cursed a little for that blunder. Shinobi have tendencies to pick out oddities in everyone around them. It's ingrained into them from the start. I know this because Itachi was beginning to do the same, and I noticed that habit within mother and father over the last few months. The way blood flowed had not been taught to me and yet I answered that I did. Kakashi paused once again, but thankfully he kept on. "Chakra moves similarly. We can also create more chakra through training. Physical chakra through physical exercise and spiritual chakra through studying, meditation, and experience. Basically, just be smart. However, there is a limit as to how much chakra a person can build."

Kakashi sighed and turned to the side to face our house. His shoulders sagged and the single eye that was visible above his mask curled in agitation. "Come out Obito. Rin." He commanded.

I whipped my head in the direction he glared at and was shocked to see both of them come out into the backyard sheepishly. Obito crossed his arms over his chest and pouted. "We just came to see the stuck up bastard teach a kid." He said.

Rin clasped her hands in front of her and fluttered her lashes. "Sorry, Kakashi-kun. But don't worry, we didn't sneak in! Mikoto-sama allowed us to enter."

Mother was indeed still within the house doing her own work. I wasn't really aware of what Mother did in her own free time when no one was around. Most of the time she taught me to read, did household chores, and made our meals. She was an all-around normal housewife who occasionally went out to domestic meetings. I was sure being a matriarch had its own individual duty, however.

Kakashi sighed again and turned back to me. "Ignore them." He said bluntly. I nodded to the two of them as I focused my attention back on the training. "Do you know what meditation is?" Although I did, I shook my head and took note of Obito and Rin taking a seat on the porch. Kakashi explained, "It's a way of clearing one's mind and entering a state of peace. This would hopefully help you get in touch with your chakra."

"I've never heard Kakashi speak so much before," Obito muttered rather loudly.

Kakashi's eyebrow twitched but he followed his own advice and ignored them. "That's going to be the start of our training: we'll hone your chakra through meditation. So, let's begin."