Crossroads (A Naruto Fanfiction)

Talk of Acceptance

Ever since Yoi had come forth and made his presence known, I pondered just how I would tell my loved ones about my past life. I had been dragging the issue for years now, but I felt compelled to try at least. Thankfully, nothing much had changed in regards to the attitude of those around me. I was treated the same as usual, albeit Itachi was now aware of what I did at night when I was meant to be sleeping, and Kakashi aware of where and who I was learning my bending and forms from. 

"Is it really safe to be in your mindscape so often?" Itachi asked, and I conveyed the question to Yoi.

"For the regular person, no. There is a risk of disconnection from the real world, so to say, but like how I am able to act as a power source for your bending, I am also capable of protecting your mind." They answered. Itachi trusted Yoi's words easily enough when I told him this afterwards, although there was one risk Yoi wasn't willing to test. "Taking over your conciousness few times a year poses no issues. In fact, it would allow you to become accustomed to my presence and easier for me to integrate my chakra with yours. More than that can result in your mind becoming overwhelmed by my own and your concious becoming lost."

"You mean I can die?" The notion didn't scare me, but I would prefer to stay alive as long possible in order to be with my family and friends.

Yoi thought over my question. "In a way. Imagine how you had been when you first regained your memories. Except, you wouldn't have a concious to be able to comprehend thoughts or emotions."

I shuddered at the idea. "Wasn't that because of my trauma?" I asked somberly.

"Everything had its own part to play, but it wasn't the only reason. I had cut off your memories in your early years in order to protect you from an early death. To have emotions and experiences that a new mind is not capable of handling can cause irreparable damage. In fact, I had meant to hold on to your memories longer."

"Wait," I interrupted before Yoi could continue. Just when I thought I understood most of my own situation, they just had to bulldoze through everything I came to know, forcing me to rebuild from scraps. "Just to make it clear, was I ever meant to be born here? Had I existed during the fate of this worlds first run?" It felt like a rather stupid question when I knew from the series that Itachi and Sasuke had been each other's sole brother, then again, the story I knew was fiction.

Yoi was blunt in his answer, and his non reaction buffered my own anxiety. "A soul must always have a vessel. Your family never knew that two embryo's were meant to be born during your mother's first pregnancy during the previous timeline. In just the first week, one of the two embryo's had been absorbed because it had no soul. As I trapped your soul into this universe and away from this world's pure lands, you were left stranded and in need of a foundation to hold yourself."

"So that embryo was the perfect vessel for a wondering soul." I said redundantly. "Was it the only vessel I could have hosted?"

"Empty vessels are rare in this world." They simply stated. I took it as a yes. "Are you regretful?"

The question threw me off guard, but made me realize something important right away. "Although fate hasn't been overwritten yet, I have made it possible right? That was why you don't regret my existance yourself."

"I would not put it above you to resent me." There was something there under the monotony of their words, a sort of woeful expectation.

I couldn't help but to scoff in disbelief. "You forced me here, but I could never resent you for allowing me to be loved by a family I wouldn't have met otherwise. You gave me my greatest cure for what happened in my past life." There was a silence between us for a long moment and I imagined both of us were reminiscing over each of our pasts. I was curious as to how Yoi had lived before me. I continued, "I kind of see you like my own Kurama, obviously without all the suffering and hate. We are forever interwined in this lifetime of mine, and I would like for us to be family."

Yoi gazed at me, and I held it to show my sincerity. "I do hope you can speak freely outside of your mindscape once again." It was all they said and I wish that hope would come true.

"My memories. You said you were supposed to hold onto them longer." I reminded them after remembering about it.

"Yes. I am not sure about what had happened, but I lost control of the barrier I placed upon it. It could have been due to mere carelessness or my inexperience holding up such barriers. The memories crashed into your mind all at once as a result, otherwise, my plan was to reveal a few memories at a time in order to prevent what had happened, such as your body becoming unresponsive to your thoughts and emotions."

"I think I would have been scared getting them a bit at a time and ran to Itachi about them." I said humurously.

"It certainly would have made it easier to tell them about your past life."

I sighed at the prospect and pondered just how I would tell them now, again.
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I wonder if it would be too cheesy to write it all down in a journal and have anyone I was willing to let know read it. All cheesy or no, the method sounded appealing. It would be much easier to articulate in written words than that of crude hand signs that I still struggle with. I asked Mother for a journal impulsively when I was caught up in the excitement of the idea, but now, as I stared at the page which had only two words written in english: "My life", I realized english wouldn't be a viable language and my knowledge of writing in Japanese (I don't really know if the language was any different from that of my previous world) would make it hard just to write down a single sentence. I closed the journal and decided I should first practice my fluency of this world's written language.

I slumped against the desk in defeat knowing full well I was trying to stall the inevitable once again. I knew enough to write decently. I wouldn't have as much trouble as I was making it out to be. Get over it, I tell myself. The sooner another worry is weighed off my chest, the better.

I forced myself to open the journal and begin again, this time in proper Japanese.

Before I was Uchiha Satsuki, I was a boy named Jackson Benett...