Back For You (Harry Styles)

Part 39

Lucy's POV:

Harry's face breaks out into a smile before he kisses me again, and I almost give up my fight entirely and tell him everything that's been going on. I know he could help me, but I don't want to bother him with my petty issues. Besides, I don't deserve his help, kindness, or love. 

"Let me make you dinner, love," Harry says stroking my injured cheek with his thumb. The makeup has completely concealed the bruise, but that doesn't stop the pain shooting through my skin every time he touches an affected area. 

I reach for his hand and pull it away, rubbing circles on the back. One touch. One kiss. That's all I'll allow myself for tonight. I need to learn to live without him until I can improve myself to deserve more. 

"I already ate," I lie, forcing a small smile. "While you were gone."

Harry frowns but doesn't question me, although I can see the doubt in his eyes. He kisses my forehead, causing me to flinch away from him, and then walks away, a hurt expression on his face. I turn away from him, not wanting to see him hurting and knowing it's all my fault. 

I set myself down on the couch and watch whatever comes on the selected channel for the next few hours. Harry joins me, but doesn't try to touch me, for which I am thankful. I don't announce when I'm going to bed, I just simply stand up and walk away as I feel Harry's eyes watch me go.

As I climb under the sheets and close my eyes, I pray I will fall asleep before Harry comes in. I don't want to push him away, I crave his touch. I can't sleep without him. If he were to come in while I am sleeping, his strong arm would secure itself around my torso and pull me into his warm chest. Being asleep would be my excuse for letting him. Selfish, yes, but I am selfish.

Something finally going my way, my eyelids get heavy and I drift off just as I hear the noise cease from the television. 

-

(1 Week Later)

Harry's birthday is tomorrow. His twentieth birthday is tomorrow and I still am just as fat and ugly as I have been the rest of my life. I haven't let Harry touch me since that awful night, save for a brush on the hand or a cuddle after I'm asleep. I wake up in his arms the next day, infuriated with myself for being so selfish. I usually end up crying and running into the bathroom, running a blade along my inner thigh until I've got what I deserve. I've only eaten one full meal which I quickly rid my stomach of afterward and I am constantly hungry, but I know I must be strong. Giving in to that hunger makes me weak, and Harry should be with a strong woman. 

"Lucy! Guess who's here!" Harry's voice rings out, and longing courses through me as it always does when he's around. The sound of muffled voices floats through the air from the front door while the stomping of boots and shivers of people carry through as well. 

Niall is the first to bound into the living room, scooping me up into a fierce hug. His arms and chest press into my fresh bruises and I squeeze my eyes shut to keep from crying out. I timidly hug him back while he places a sloppy kiss on my cheek, grinning from ear to ear. 

"It's been so long!" Liam exclaims, walking into the room, hand in hand with his steady girlfriend, Sophia. She smiles at me warmly and I smile in return before Liam wraps me up in another bear hug. By the time everyone has hugged me, my whole body is throbbing and I'm almost gasping in pain from the pressure on my wounds. 

I see Zayn eyeing me curiously, his eyes raking my body as he tries to figure out what has changed. He's always been the most perceptive in the group, and that's probably why he looks the most concerned. A lot has changed since I last saw him, over a month prior to now.