Nightmares

Chapter six: Harper

Now

I wanted to cry. Why was I like this? I screamed in frustration and Carlos came running in.

"Harpy?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

I took a deep breath and forced a smile.

"Nothing, little man. I'm just a little tense, that's all."

He nodded. Running up to me, he gave me a squeeze and I held him back. Breathing in the smell of the cornflakes he'd had for breakfast this morning.

I was in a crabby mood today. I'd had a seizure last night and it had ruined my sleep pattern. I hate losing sleep. I blinked back my tears and looked at my little brother. I squeezed him and smiled at his innocence.

"Can we play trains, Harpy?" He asked.

I smiled again. "You bet, little man. Which train do I get?"

Mum and Dad were at work; so I was babysitting for them. Some people would complain at having to watch their little brother all the time; but I enjoyed spending time with Carlos. He was sweet for a five year old with curls that framed his adorably squishy face and green eyes that peeked out from behind his curls and looked at the world with wonder.

And when I got into one of my moods, he was one of the only people who could calm me down.

He smiled at me now as he pulled out his train set and I helped him to set it up on the carpet. He watched in wonder as I placed a train on the track and switched it on. Climbing into my lap, he watched the train go round and round on the track.

It seemed to me that my life was a lot like that. The same cycle, over and over again. Same old school, same old lessons, same old memory lapses, same old, same old.

But then my thoughts turned to the boy with sapphire blue eyes that saw deep into my soul. Someone who seemed to understand me perfectly though we had never met before.

How could someone seem to know me so well from just a glance, when I didn't even understand myself properly?

I wondered what else his eyes had seen when he looked at me. Had he seen...everything? All my thoughts and hopes and dreams? My deepest secrets that I didn't want anyone to know? The secrets that were so secret not even I knew?

I wonder if he knew how scared I was to sleep? Wondered if he knew about the images that plagued me when I closed my eyes. Sometimes, not often, I could sleep without the memories crowding me. But most nights I trembled and tried to block everything out.

I wanted to sleep without thinking. To close my eyes and dream about things that didn't wake me in the night and keep me up until morning. If only I could forget about my fear of the dark for long enough to sleep properly without unwanted ideas sneaking into my head.

And I just wish...I just wish sleeping didn't have to hurt so much.