Nightmares

Chapter thirty-five: Carter

Something was wrong. The last couple of days had been...unsettling. Since I had purchased a weapon, my life had gone smoothly.

My life was quiet for once. Too quiet.

Stop being dramatic Carter, there's nothing wrong with your life being quiet. A voice huffed.

I went down to the kitchen where Mum was banging cutlery around preparing for dinner.

"Need some help, Mum?" I asked.

"Please, petal. Can you peel and chop the carrots and put them in the pan with the gravy stock?"

I did as I was told and Mum came next to me to chop the broccoli.

"How have you been, honey?" She asked me.

"I've been sleeping fine." I replied, knowing what that question meant.

"How are things with Harper?"

"She's fine. We're...We're getting on really well." I paused.

"She sounds lovely." Mum said.

I smiled. "She is. You'd really like her."

Mum smirked back at me. "I'm sure I would if my picky offspring likes her."

"Mum." I groaned. "Stop it."

"I'm just saying, you don't communicate much with people your own age. Why are you letting what happened in the past spoil your life now?"

"I don't." I said, gritting my teeth and chopping the carrots some more.

"You do." She argues. "Your memories of that day override everything else."

"No they don't." I snapped, spinning around to face her. "I don't avoid everyone my own age. I'm just careful of who I let in. Something you of all people should understand."

"You can't live in the past forever, Carter. I love you too much to let you do that."

"Yeah well maybe you should back off and leave me be. I don't need to be coddled." I scowled.

"All I'm saying is you should be more open to possibilities."

"I don't need possibilities. I just need to stay alive. And those stupid pills don't fucking work." I shouted, slamming out of the room and storming to my room.

I threw myself on my bed and stared at the ceiling, trying to work out why I felt so hollow inside. I don't think I had felt complete since Riley passed away. As if a part of me had died with her.

Picking up my anxiety pills, I threw them across the room so hard they bounced off the wall, before slumping against the pillows. Mum sighed as she came into the room. Picking up the pills before placing them back on my bedside table.

"Honey, I know you miss her."

"Don't mention her." I snapped, tears blurring my vision.

She held up a hand. "I know you miss her," she repeated, "But living like this isn't going to bring her back. If I could have one more day with her, and your father, then I would. But they're gone, and I have to move on without them. And you have to do the same."

Standing, I walked out of the room.

"Carter?"

"I just want to be left alone." I told her, before I continued walking.

~*~

On the streets, I felt calmer and less liable to break. A single tear trickled down my cheek and I brushed it away. I set off for the nearest pub, I needed an eraser to get my sister off my mind.

Ordering I sat at the back of the bar and drank until the pain numbed. Words no longer bled. It was...nice. Standing, I made my way home. Right now, I didn't care if Mum lost it. For now, nothing could touch me. And it was nice.

Around a street before my house, I heard someone call my name and spun round to face her with a smile.

"Hey gorgeous." I grinned.

She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Probably wondering what to do with me. What did you do with a drunk nineteen year old hopeless case?

"What are you doing out here?" I asked her.

She didn't reply and just studied me critically, sighing. "C'mon C. Let's go home."

"I'm going home." I told her.

"I know, but I need to make sure you're safe."

I found it laughable that a kid wanted to make sure I got home safe but didn't let a smirk cross my lips, having the feeling that it wouldn't be appreciated.

We strolled along and I took her hand. Stroking my thumb over her knuckles. She smiled at me softly and squeezed my hand, reassuring me that things were going to be okay.

She was so beautiful. Slowing down, I pulled her towards me, the alcohol making me bolder than usual. Leaning down, I kissed her, running my hands through her silky hair.

Placing a hand on my chest she pushed me away.

"Not now, Carter. Another time, maybe. But not now." She told me.

I sighed and followed her obediently as she led me through weaving streets. Eventually we arrived home and she smiled as she waved me goodbye.

I gave a small smile back, wondering what she was thinking. Because those beautiful eyes of hers were a million miles away.

I wrote these chapters a couple of days ago and they needed proofreading so here you go. Enjoy.