Nightmares

Chapter fifty-two: Carter

Mum held me tight.

"Where have you been?" She said, breaking away and slapping me with the magazine.

"Please calm down." I told her.

"You irresponsible, stupid, thoughtless boy. I've been worried sick." She said, slapping me with every word.

I took the magazine out of her hands and wrapped her in a hug. She sobbed into me.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I whispered.

"What happened?" She asked.

Sitting her down, I told her everything. About Harper's ordeal. About the man who had been hunting me for six years. About all the lies I had told her to keep her safe. About the real reason behind my nightmares.

She sat there numbly. Unable to speak.

"Why did you never tell me this?"

"Because I knew you would worry. But it's okay now. I promise."

"How do you know?"

"He can't hurt anyone now." I refused to say anymore. Not wanting to dwell on what Jake could have done to him.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before." I sighed.

"I am too." She replied. "And what of Harper?"

I was quiet. "She'll be fine. I'm going to make sure of it."

She nodded slowly, still absorbing everything I'd told her.

"You're a good boy, Carter. I know you'll do your best to protect her. You're just like your dad." She said. "He would be so proud of you right now."

"I know." I replied, quietly.

"Now go to bed. You need to catch up on sleep. You have college tomorrow. And remember I'm right next door if you need me." She told me.

"I know. I love you, Mum."

"I love you too."

"Mum?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"I miss her."

She was quiet.

"I know you do. I do too."

"I'm sorry for not looking after her like he asked. If I had, she wouldn't be gone."

"Sweetie, it wasn't your fault. It wasn't anybody's fault, except the driver's. And you shouldn't hold resentment against the dead." She said. "It's no good for anybody."

"So what should you do?" I asked, almost in a whisper.

"You should live on and let go."

"Easier said than done."

"I know."

We were quiet again.

"I've had nightmares too, you know." She told me suddenly.

"You have?"

She nodded. "Some days they were so bad I couldn't sleep."

"What did you do?"

She gave me a scrutinizing look, as if wondering how much to share with me.

"Come with me."

She took me to her room. I haven't been in here since the accident.

The walls were filled with drawings. Dad and Riley's faces smiled down at me from every angle. It was like a collage dedicated to the two of them on the walls of a room I haven't been inside in eight years. I studied the walls as years of locked away memories came flooding back.

"I miss them too. Every day. And when it's late at night, and I can't sleep. I draw." She said. Tracing the lines of Dad's face in one of the pictures.
"I haven't forgotten. Some days I'm not even sure if I've moved on. But I know that this isn't what your dad would have wanted. He wouldn't have wanted us to be like this. He would have asked us to live life to the fullest for him. And every day I don't, I feel like I'm letting him down."

A tear rolled down her cheek and she hugged me. Hugging her back, I looked at all the pictures. Wondering why I had never seen any of them before. They were so life-like it was almost as if the pair were about to jump out of the pictures back into our lives. If only.

"You are doing the best you can. He knows that. I'm sure if he can see us, he can see that you're trying really hard. I know you are." I told her after a while.

"Some days I don't want to get out of bed." She said.

"Funny." I mused. "Some days, I don't want to go to bed."

We were quiet again as I took in each picture. Each tiny detail I had forgotten over the years.

"I guess I got my artistic talent from you, huh?" I asked.

She laughed. "Yeah. Your dad couldn't draw shit."

I studied my sister on the walls, remembering her laugh, the way her smile would put a smile on everyone around her.

I wished I could have that smile back in my life.

And now I did.

I had Harper. And this time, I wasn't going to let her go.

"Hey Mum?" I asked. "Is it okay if I bring Harper around to meet you some time? I think you'll get on really well."

She smiled.

"I'm sure we would. It's about time this house saw some happiness again." She told me. "And I need to meet the girl who has melted the ice around my son's heart."

"I didn't have ice around my heart." I argued.

"You did. You became closed off. I forgot what your smile was like."

"I'm sorry, Mum." I said, "I didn't mean to make things so difficult."

She shrugged. "People grieve in different ways."

"But how do people stop grieving?"

"With time." She said. "They say that time heals all wounds."

"Yeah, but it doesn't take away the scars."

"No. We just learn to cover them." She agreed.

She smiled at me and squeezed my hand gently, I smiled back wondering how it had taken us so long to have this conversation.

I guess neither of us had been ready to have it until now. But it was time.

I was done with dwelling on the past. I needed to think about my future now.

I looked at my smiling sister and her eyes watched me. Telling me it was alright to move on.

And I'd be damned if I wasted another second in this darkness. If Harper was the sunlight I needed to light up my world then I would damn well chase her light until I was blind.