Nightmares

Chapter thirty-one: Harper

"Harper!"

I turned around at the sound of Danny's voice and stepped back as he ran towards me with a little smile on his face. The smile dropped as he took in my expression.

"What's wrong?"

I sighed.

"Nothing." I told him, softly.

"Seriously, what's wrong?" He pestered.

"Why do you hate Carter so much?" I asked him the question that had been gnawing away at me the last few days.

It was his turn to sigh. "It's complicated." He told me.

"So explain it to me then."

"I can't."

"Why not?" I said, losing my patience. "What is so complicated that you hate my best friend and you can't even tell me why?"

"Wow." Danny said, "When did he become your best friend?"

"When someone started keeping secrets from me and made me feel like they didn't trust me." I told him pointedly.

"It's not as easy as that, okay?" He shouted. "I wish I could get rid of this, but I can't. I have too much to lose and you're one of many people who could get caught up in this if you know too much. I love you too much to lose you." He paused.

"You what?" I asked, unable to find anything else to say.

"I love you." He said softly, reaching for my hand.

I looked down at our interlocked hands in confusion. What was happening? This wasn't supposed to happen. This wasn't how the story is supposed to unfold. What was he saying? How could he love me?

I thought I was too broken to be loved.

I thought I didn't believe in love.

Not after him.

But I looked down at our hands again, before pulling my hand from his and walking away. I needed to be alone.

~*~

After washing my hands to get rid of the feel of his, I sank onto the sofa and thought about him. Danny was nice. He was my best friend. But I didn't think of him as anything more than that. I didn't know if it was possible to. And yet...

Deep down, somewhere I couldn't quite reach, there was a small feeling of butterflies stirring in my stomach. A feeling I hadn't felt in the longest time. Not since him.

He smiled at me, that award-winning smile that had me falling to his feet over and over again, no matter how many times I tried to be strong. I tried to turn away, tried to look away from his mesmerising, golden eyes as he stared at me intently. Gazing right into my soul.

"C'mon baby. Don't be mad." He pleaded with me, kissing my neck gently and whispering into my ear. "I'm sorry I screwed up, but if you give me one more chance, I swear I won't mess it up again."

I turned to him, remembering all the things he had told me the last time we were together. All the things he'd called me. The things that made me feel worthless, broken. But looking into his sorrowful-looking eyes, my heart melted. Just like it always did. The butterflies fluttering in my stomach like every time he told me he loved me.

"Come on, baby. I won't let you down again." He said, squeezing my hand like a promise.

A promise he always failed to keep.

But a promise my heart always listened to anyway.

I smiled. I smiled because I thought, maybe this time, he wouldn't break me.

But he did. He always did.

~*~

I sat in the park, alone, trying to sift through all my emotions. What did he mean when he said I love you? What did he mean when he said he had too much to lose? What was he caught up in that he didn't want me to know about?

Why did he tell me this now? Just when I thought I was happy?

What did he want from me?

Did I love him too?

I didn't think so. But I'd never really thought about it before. He was just...Danny. He was my best friend and I loved him that way. But that was it. We'd been through a lot together. Too much for me to think of him in a romantic way.

Plus there was Carter.

I didn't know what I thought of him yet. Wasn't sure if what I felt towards him was love or not.

No. I was just being silly. I wasn't capable of being in love. I wasn't capable of loving someone the way I'd loved him. Not anymore. He'd taken that trust I'd had in love; and smashed it to irreversible pieces. It would be best for me, for them, for everyone, if we just hid those feelings until they went away.

I couldn't love anyone properly, and I wasn't going to break someone's heart by making them believe otherwise.

"Hey." Carter's voice broke my chain of thought.

"Hey." I replied.

"What's wrong?" He asked, sitting next to me and studying me in a way that told me he knew what I was thinking.

"Danny just...Danny's just told me he loved me, and I don't know how to feel about it, that's all." I thought about telling a lie, but I wasn't an experienced liar and so he probably would have seen right through it. Plus, why should I lie? It was nothing to be ashamed of.

"Oh." He said softly. "Do you love him?"

I shrugged. "I dunno. I love him, of course, he's my best friend. But I don't think I love him the same way."

"Well then you've got to tell him." He told me simply, like there was only one solution. Like it was so easy. Which for him, it probably was.

"It's not that simple. It'll break his heart." I sighed.

"Isn't it better to tell him the truth rather than leading him on?" He asked, softly.

I nodded. "I guess so." I sighed. "I don't want to break his heart further by allowing him to believe something that could—may—never happen."

He nodded slowly and we sat in silence for a while, at some point, Carter put his arm around me, and I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I don't really know what love is." I admitted.

"Well," He said. "Sometimes you just have to wait for the right person."