Stupidity to Infinity ∞ (UNDER MAJOR REVISION)

26: Reliable Shoulder

Chapter 26:

(Alex's POV)

"Alex?"

"Alex, please, let me come in."

"Alex please let me explain."

I countlessly heard Cliff say those words for like an hour or two? He kept on knocking and talking at my door as if maaawa ang pinto ko at automatic itong magbubukas. Like, duh? Hindi ba niya naiisip na maaaring nakakaistorbo na siya sa ibang mga nagpapahinga na? Napakabobo talaga. Hindi nag iisip. Sorry but I'm not sorry for being harsh.

I carelessly stand to about to face him pero biglang nandilim ang paligid ko sa biglaang pagbangon.

Psh. Orthotastic hypotention it is.

"You're just making yourself stupid again Alexandra." I silently sermoned myself.

And so I hold back on facing him. Instead, naupo nalang ako sa dulo ng kama ko.

Parang umurong na din naman yung mga luha ko eh.

Ubos na ata or nagsawa ng mag work yung mga tear glands ko para iyakan ang walang ka-kwenta kwentang bagay na'to.

Pero mabuti na rin 'yun dahil baka madehydrate nako kung hindi ko pa ititigil to.

I face palm.

Naisip ko, what's the point of talking to him if he already admitted what he really feels?

I should be glad that hindi pa nga natatapos ng tuluyan kanina ang araw ng mangyari lahat nang ito ay umamin na siya.

You should even thanked him kasi inagapan niya yung lumalala mong kagagahan.

Psh. Sino bang niloloko ko?

Bakit ba kailangan ko pang mag-isip ng ganun? 'Yung pabor pa rin sakanya, kung pwede ko naman siyang bugbugin at saktan kapalit ng sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon?

I bet na hindi siya makakatayo sa hihigaan niya for a couple of days because of the fury I'm feeling now.

Pero bakit ba ako sobrang nasasaktan? Bakit ako sobrang apektado?

Kung tutuusin, what I and Cliff had is no more than just a whirlwind.

Baka nga mas mabilis pa doon.

And take note, hindi naman kami diba? So anong pinagdra-drama ko dito? Kesyo may pa 'Bakit ba ako nasasaktan?' pa akong nalalaman? May pa iyak-iyak effect pa na umabot na ata sa paghagulgol ang eksena. May pag bitter-bitter'an pakong nalalaman. Haaay, ano bang drama 'to, bakit ganito?

Why I can't understand myself?

Really.

Hindi ko naman personality ang ganito.

Nagiging mahina na ako lately.

My emotions are taking over above anything else.

Minsan pa, I have to remind myself that this is not so me. That I have to get back to an old Alexandra that is brave and fierceful.

Why Alex?

Why you've changed?

At nakakailang tanong na ba ako sa sarili ko?

Parang tanga lang, obviously wala namang sasagot sa akin. Psh!

"I'm really sorry Alex. I don't want this to happen. I know you're so angry that you wanted to punch me now in the face. I can accept that. If that's the only way for you to talk to me." Pa-english english ka pa dyan, akala mo naman nagiging tunog seryoso?