Chapter 35

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Chapter 35


I watched as Nate mounted his car and drove off the street. Could my heart break more than this? It was already torn into pieces yet I could still feel it breaking, bleeding… aching. What was that? Why did he have to come here and tell me he loved me in a second then wished Connor and me good luck next? 


Why did I see him breaking? 


His eyes betrayed him, it showed desolation and sadness that I could not fathom. His voice shook as he whispered I love you and it held too much emotion that it almost made my heart stop. I felt the pain. I wiped my eyes as I tore my gaze away from the empty side street and took a deep shaky breathe. 

The wind was cold against my skin and as if it could penetrate me, my insides felt freezing too. The trees swung as the breeze made contact with its leaves, as if they were dancing from an unheard lullaby.


However, my heart was not strong enough to let it go as more tears cascaded my wet cheek and sobs escaped my tightly clamped mouth. Why did I hesitate when he asked me to choose from Connor and him, or did I know how to answer at all? 


I wanted to run after him, grab his face and kiss him yet I could not. My feet would not move and my voice would not come out, I couldn’t bring myself to hurt Connor further. I was so torn and pained.


“What’s taking you so long—“ Amy trailed and I immediately felt her presence behind me, I bit my tongue to stop the sobs from spilling but I think my trembling shoulders deceived me when she asked.


“What’s wrong, Jane?” she asked and I saw her feet within my blurry field of vision. I lifted my eyes and shook my head weakly trying to shake her off.


“Hell with nothing! Why are you crying?” she demanded and I opened my mouth to speak but instead sobs overran my words. Her gaze softened, she took me with her arms and I allowed myself to breakdown within her embrace.


I cried, “It’s so painful.” 


“Shh… I know, honey.” She cooed as finally, she stirred me inside the house. Nathalie was already at her ballet school so it was only me with Amy. She was staying the week with me.

We sat in the kitchen with two steaming cups of coffee in front of us, Amy was seated across me and she was looking at me concerned. I told her about the confrontation with Nate, that he already knew what happened to me six years ago and that he came to wish me good luck with my engagement with Connor. I skipped the part when he told me he loves me and kissed me, Amy didn’t have to know that, she might think that I was deliberately trying to hurt Connor by my actions.

She staggered a sigh, "So?" She asked her face serious and for a moment, it held no compassion. I blinked several times, shocked and confused as hell.

"Excuse me?" I stammered. I was crying my heart out here then all she could say was 'so'?

"Seriously, Jane, so what if he wished you luck with Connor? Smile and move on!" She said exasperated and my mouth dried. What the hell?

"Smile and move on?!" I sneered as I fumed with anger, this uncompassionate bitch! "If that was as easy as you claimed, I would have done that! But it's not!" I almost shrieked making her cringe for a moment but then she looked at me unfazed.

“Why is it hard? What’s stopping you from being happy with what you chose?” she asked and it was just as if she dumped me a bucket of freezing water. My voice was caught and I stared dumbly at her, how would I answer that?

“The answer is because you realized that you can’t live without Nate. Janelle stop being a hypocrite and stop reasoning out with me that you want to stop hurting Connor!” she spat. What was happening, why was she lashing out with me?

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