The Orion Star

A Bad Show

I caught you like a bad cold

Here's my soul, forever sold

Now here I'll lie

As everyone walks by

Trying to sweat you out like a fever

Don't you dare come any nearer

--From the song Too Much On My Mind

Lyrics By: Orion Bauwens/Benjamin Hill

"God damn it that was shit."

"Relax," my bass guitarist Jake tells me. "It wasn't that bad."

"The audience lapped it up," my drummer Ben adds.

"Yeah," Jake says. "They loved it. Most people can't tell between a bad night and a good night."

"Unless the band really fucks it up," Ben laughs.

"People are idiots," I mumble, shaking my head.

"Hey, come on," Jake said. He grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me. "Don't be like this. It was fine."

"I was off-pitch the entire damn concert."

"You're not a recording, Orion."

"Yeah well, I wish I was."

"You're too hard on yourself."

"Just knock it off, okay?"

"Orion, it's okay--"

Angrily I jerk myself back, shoving Jake. "Leave me the fuck alone, dude."

Jake holds up his hands. "Okay, sorry. Just trying to make you feel better."

"I don't need cheering up."

"So..." Ben says, exchanging a look with Jake, "You're not going to hang out with us?"

"No," I reply, running a hand through my sweat-soaked hair. "You guys go ahead."

"It might cheer you up--"

I grab Ben by the collar and shake him. "I don't need to be fucking cheered up, alright!?"

Ben pushes me off him. "You're such a fucking prick Orion. Fuck you."

Jake grabs him and the pair walk away. After a moment Jake looks over his shoulder at me and glares. I look at my feet, kicking the gravel. Running a hand through my wet hair again, I then look at the sky.

"Fuck."

I walk back to the bus and lean against it. I've known Jake and Ben since High School. They're my original band mates. Other additions have come and gone over the years, but they're my core. They've always been there--they're my best friends.

But I can tell--especially lately--that they're getting tired of my shit. They're getting tired of my moods. They're getting tired of not knowing when I'll be me and when I'm going to be the bastard that bites their heads off over something small. Truthfully, I think I'd die if either of them quit the band. If they quit, that means our friendship was over. If our friendship was over, well...

I pull cigarettes from my jacket and take a long drag, then look back up at the sky. Even though it's night, I make out dark rain clouds hanging out in the peaceful sky. The first raindrop hits my nose. I don't mind the rain. I'm sweaty enough from the show anyway--what would a little rain hurt?

"Hey."

Surprised, I look to the side where the voice came from. Tristan is standing there. I don't know why I have this reaction, but I can feel myself turn red. Tossing my cigarette to the ground and snuffing it out with my shoe, I hope Tristan hadn't noticed it had been freshly lit. I just needed an excuse to not look at him right then. Lighting another one, I speak to him around the butt.