The Orion Star

Truths In Church Basements

**TRIGGER WARNING** Discussion of child abuse--physical and emotional--is addressed. Brief reference of self-harm. Analyzing alcoholism and underage drinking is found in this chapter (once again, I am NOT condoning under-age drinking. If anything I'm showing how it turns people into alcoholics). Reader discretion is advised.

Everything makes me think of things

I thought I wouldn't have to sing again

You're the dread of my dreams

The desperation of my despair

Your presence is my pathos

Suffering is your perpetual perplexity

May we talk about me now?

You dug out my soul

Made a grave for my heart

That I visit sometimes

With long forlorn vacant stares

--From the song Soul Autopsy

Lyrics by Orion Bauwens

"Hi Orion. Thanks for calling me at a normal hour for once."

"Were you always insufferable, or did the alcohol do that?"

Heather laughs. "What's up, Orion?"

I scratch my forehead with my thumb. "I want to drink..."

"Are you okay?"

"No," I admit, closing my eyes. "Could we meet up somewhere?"

"Of course. Where?"

"Do you think if we called Reverend he'd let us use the basement?"

"I d'no, maybe. It's worth a shot. Do you have his number?"

"No."

"I'll text him and get back to you."

I shut my eyes. "Thanks Heather."

~

Half an hour later, we're in the church basement.

"It's really weird for me to be in a church."

"Oh?"

"Yeah," I tell Heather. "Growing up I was forced to go. I don't mind religion. I mean, I put my religious fears into some of my music."

Heather leans back in her black padded chair, crossing her arms. "Huh."

"Yeah. When everything in my life started getting fucked up, I started questioning my faith." I shake my head. "No, that's not even right. I was just wondering why God was angry at me."

She shakes her head. "God isn't angry at anyone, Orion."

"I know...But I was really confused and angry, yaknow? Especially when I had this music gift. Every time a teacher encouraged me about how good I was at music, I just...I hated it."

She looks surprised. "Why?"

"I felt like I wasn't good enough. Mediocre at best. I didn't want to let anyone down."

"What did you say when you'd get compliments?"

"I would just kinda mumble a 'thank you' and go back to whatever I was doing."