The Orion Star

Floundering in the Deep End

You'd know my heart if you took the time to read

Instead you just sit there and watch as I bleed

Rain, rain, go away

Don't show up some other day

Help me survive this desolate pit

I think it's time for me to just sit

--From the song Spin

Lyrics By: Orion Bauwens

"Ori, come on buddy, open up."

That was Ben's voice. Only him and Jake get away with referring to me as Ori. The use of that endearing term isn't enough to rouse me though.

It's not even that I don't move, it's that I can't move. I haven't moved all morning. I woke up like normal, but then...I don't know. My limbs stopped working. I was numb, but at the same time everything hurt from my head down to my toes.

I wasn't hung over. Well, I had been a little, but that was solved by venturing out of my room briefly to grab myself an armful of beers. Once that passed I was still in pain. It felt stiff and heavy. The mere thought of getting out of bed made me want to crawl out of my skin.

I couldn't do it, I couldn't face them. Any of them. I made such an ass out of myself the day before. I'm sure everyone was gossiping about how pathetic I was.

What made everything worse was the fact we had a concert today. I'd give anything to just sink into my bed, into the floor, and down into the ground for eternity right now. I didn't want to face people, I didn't want to perform. I just wanted to be left alone and be forgotten.

"Ori," Jake said now. "You're scaring us. Say something."

He didn't have to point out his fear, it being evident in his voice. I didn't mean to scare him. I didn't mean to scare anyone. Just something else for me to fuck up.

"Should we call Gloria?" Ben asks in a panic.

"I don't know! Should we call the cops?"

"Don't call the cops," I call out, my voice sounding like a cat being dragged across gravel.

"Oh thank God you're alive," Jake says.

I want to say 'Of course I'm not dead', but the mere thought of talking makes it feel like a thousand pound weight was suddenly dropped on my throat.

"You missed soundcheck. We go on in an hour."

My mind quickly did the math. That means it was five PM. Five PM?! I thought it was still morning!

"Call Gloria."

A few minutes later there's another tapping on the door. Gloria speaks.

"Pumpkin? What's wrong?"

Oh, you know. My life is a mess, I went on stage drunk and my best friend called me an alcoholic, which is being proven by all the empty beer bottles lying around. I suck. I don't deserve any of this. You know, the usual.

I don't say anything.

"Should we cancel the show?" Jake asks and I can feel the anxiety in his voice.

"We can't cancel the show!" Ben says. He sounds panicked.

"We can always cancel the show," Gloria says tersely.

"People are already at the venue!"

"So then we tell them Orion is sick and we'll refund their money."