The Orion Star

Questions Part I

**TRIGGER WARNING** Brief mention of abortion and suicide. Reader discretion is advised.

You took flight

To the azure sky above us

You left me behind here

But you stole a piece of me with you

You took this knife

And now there's a hole carved in my chest

Cynthia dear, I'm sorry it's all my fault

Dear Cynthia, I'm sorry I couldn't do more for you

Cynthia dear, I'm sorry I couldn't be more

When your breath popped

And my actions replied with circumspect

Dear Cynthia,

I'm just one lone man

You showed me the mercurial side of life

Didn't you Cynthia? So now I'll withstand

Methodical and paternalistic

But dear Cynthia,

I'll never be safe or whole again

So Cynthia,

Maybe I've learned that

I don't need you to hold me together

But sweet Cynthia,

Maybe I want you to

And Cynthia,

You've up and fled away without me

How dare you leave without me?

I want to float away with you too

Dear Cynthia

--From the song Cynthia

Lyrics by: Orion Bauwens

When I got back home I told everyone how it went. I told them how wonderful my mother was. I told them how quaint her house is. I told them the surprise I had when I found out I have half-siblings.

I didn't tell them how I slipped up and got drunk.

They had their reservations about my clear, immediate attachments to my mother. Originally I tried to play it off, that it wasn't like that. But who was I kidding? This was a dream come true. I'm a pretty good judge of character, and she had nothing but warmth and love that day we spent together.

Maybe they were right. Maybe I should be more cautiously optimistic. I don't want to be though. Maybe I am setting myself up for heartache, like Jake has voiced his concern over. Maybe her enthusiasm is going to fade after a while, as Ben worries about. And maybe this'll turn into a toxic relationship, and she'll reach out to me only when it suits her (Tristan's concern).

This is the happiest I've been in awhile though. I think I deserve it. Yeah, it'll be bad if it blows up in my face. I'll be crushed, devastated. But that may not even happen. And if it does, I want to enjoy it while it lasts.

Before I left Minnesota, my mother and I exchanged phone numbers. I had her listed as Rachel in my phone. So you can imagine my surprise when a week after I got back my phone rings with Rachel on the screen.

"Hello?"

"Hi--Orion?"

I smile. "Yup."

"Do you have a second?"