**TRIGGER WARNING** Alcoholism and suicidal ideation. Reader discretion is advised.
Everything is flat
This is beyond sullen
Assemblage of my life
On the back of broken ships
That set sail long ago
Heading for the jagged rocks
Poised to cradle me softly
Into a permanent slumber
Where no one can find me
--From the song Trying
Lyrics by Orion Bauwens
"Hi, I'd like to cancel my next appointment."
"Alright, one moment please...You're due to come in tomorrow."
"I know."
"I just want to make you aware that we have a eighty-five dollar cancellation fee for appointments cancelled less than twenty-four hours in advance."
"That's fine."
A pause. "And will you require a refill on meds?"
I glance over my shoulder in paranoia. "No, I'm fine."
"Alright. I will let the doctor know. Would you like to schedule another appointment?"
"No. I'm really busy. I'll call back to reschedule, alright?"
"Alright."
"Thank you."
As I hang up, Tristan comes up and wraps his arms around me. I grin.
"What do you wanna do today?" I ask.
"I have work..."
"Oh, right."
He kisses me. "Yeah, some of us actually have stuff to do..."
I flip him off. He goes to the fridge, taking out some orange juice. "Who was that on the phone?"
"Oh. Uh, my sister."
"Oh yeah? How's she doing?"
"Good."
"So, what do you think you're going to do today?"
"Not sure. Maybe I'll hang out with Jake or something."
"Alright. Well I have to go."
"Alright."
On his way past he gives me a kiss on the cheek. "Love you."
"Yeah, I love you too..."
Once I hear the front door close, I flex my hands that have been clenched into fists. I'm happy he didn't notice that my right palm was dripping blood onto the floor. Great, now I was lying to my boyfriend, too.
What was I doing?
What I do best. Fucking everything up.
~
It's weird when you start doing things you know you're not supposed to. The arguments you have with yourself, the conflicting feelings...It all makes you feel like you're going fucking crazy. It makes you feel disconnected from reality. And that's been happening a lot to me lately.
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The Orion Star
General FictionEveryone wants to be famous. Everyone knows it's not all it's cracked up to be. So it's confounding to Orion Bauwens why anyone would lust to be in his position. He loves what he does; singing and songwriting are his life. Yet he's starting to feel...
