The Orion Star

Tristan

**TRIGGER WARNING** Depictions of a psychiatric stay are made. Orion's suicide attempt is addressed. Reader discretion is advised.

Imperfect idiocy

Perpetual piteously

These words are like knives

But I didn't mean 

To ruin our lives

--From the song Don't Send Me Happily To Death

Lyrics by Orion Bauwens

Tristan's face is still unreadable as he walks over to me. He sits in the chair that Gloria had been sitting in. It hurts. I wish he'd have sat on the bed. I wish he would've sat next to me. He seems so far away...Then again, I don't blame him.

Idly he takes one of the envelopes, turning it over in his hand. He's not paying attention to it though. When he speaks it's accusatory. It's not angry though--it's sad. Really, really sad.

"Did you do this to get my attention? If you did, you have it."

A tear drips out of my eye immediately. "N-no."

He's still staring at me blankly. "Then why?"

I look at my lap. "I haven't slept since--" I can't say it.

"Since us?"

"Y-yeah."

"Fuck, Orion, that's a really long time. It was like, a week ago now."

"Yeah..."

"You could've called," he speaks softly, almost sounding like the wind.

I laugh bitterly. "Could I have?"

Now he glares. "Yes."

"If you knew what I did, would you?"

"What did you do?" His face becomes hard, unreadable, a wall surrounding him to protect himself from whatever cannon ball I'm about to lob at him.

"I slept with Jake. I slept with Olivia."

"While we were together or after?"

"Jesus, Tristan! After! What sort of person do you think I am?"

"I don't know anymore."

I wish he'd be angry. I deserve anger. But this sadness? It's killing me. If I could just take everything back I would.

For a while we don't say anything. Tristan finally tosses the envelope back onto my legs.

"What's all this?"

"Fan mail Gloria brought me."

"Did it help?"

"I guess. Kinda. Sorta."

He runs a hand through his hair and I suddenly realize how exhausted and beaten up he looks. "Well, at least someone got through."

"Hey," I say gently, "you did too..."

"Really? Then why are we here, Orion?"

Another tear drips down my face and I can't look at him. "Call me Orio..."

"Why are we here, Orion?" he says harshly, and the tears start a steady stream down my cheeks. "If I got through to you, why did I get a frantic call from Jake telling me I had to fly out on the first plane I could snag from Texas to Vermont because you had taken pills and they weren't sure you were going to make it?"