The Orion Star

Love

**TRIGGER WARNING** Depictions of a psychiatric stay are made. Orion's suicide attempt is addressed. Reader discretion is advised.

You don't know what you mean to me.

--Written randomly in Orion's notebook

I lick my dry lips as Ben leaves. The next person to enter my room shocks me honestly. I'm not sure why it shocks me, but it does.

"Gloria?"

She doesn't meet my gaze. Instead she pulls up the chair that was situated in the corner. She has brought a bag too--a duffel bag.

Still not looking at me she unzips the purple bag, opens the flap, and dumps its contents all over me and the bed. There's so much some of it slips off and spills onto the floor. I'm confounded.

It's envelopes. Probably a few hundred envelopes.

"What's this?"

Instead of answering, Gloria grabs one at random. Still refusing to lock eyes with me she opens the envelope swiftly, removes the paper that's inside, and begins to read out loud.

Dear Orion,

Your music is amazing. It makes me feel free. My heart is battered and broken. The things you say are like a band-aid for it. I'm a loyal fan, and I go to every one of your shows I can manage. I don't know what I'd do without you. You'll probably never even read this, but I just wanted to let you know, even if you never read this.

Thank you,

Your fan Steve

"W-what're you doing?" I ask, tears welling into my eyes.

She glares at me. "Shush."

She grabs another one then, opens it, and clears her throat.

Dear Orion,

I'm your biggest fan. I need you. I know you don't know me, and I don't know you, but your music means so much to me. It keeps me going. You're amazing, phenomenal--you're a genius. I hope you know how important your music is to some people.

Your fan,

Emily.

She grabs another.

Dear Mr. Bauwens,

I've been off for awhile now. I'm going through some shit, and to be honest with you, I feel pretty dead inside. Your music is where my soul is supposed to be. It's like you've crawled inside my brain and put into words what I feel and can't express. It's really nice knowing I'm not alone in this. You're the only one that makes me feel like that.

Thank you so much,

Brian

And another.

Dear Orion,

My mom died two years ago. Since then, my father killed himself, my favorite aunt got hit by a train and died, and my brother has been in and out of rehab. My grandparents took me in but they suck and my teachers say I suck and I can't do anything right. Some days I don't know how to keep going. Some days I have really depressing thoughts. Some days my thoughts scare me, and they run away from me, and I think about hurting myself. The only thing that makes my troubled thoughts a little quieter is your music. And you probably don't care about some crummy thirteen year old, and you probably think I shouldn't be listening to your music like everyone else tells me, but I don't care even if you don't read this. You're awesome and I wanted you to know.