The Orion Star

Plunging Further

**CONTENT WARNING** for a mild sex scene and discussion of depression and depressive thoughts, including feelings of hopelessness. Reader discretion is advised.

I see you but I wish I didn't

I feel you but I know I shouldn't

It's all so wrong, so let's sing this song

I got mine, now come get yours

It's the will of the Devil which stirs

As I dread this bed

So many things which better left unsaid

Yet everything unravels in my head

--From the song Sinful Sins

Lyrics By: Orion Bauwens and Jacob Larson

It's probably really, really stupid, but I stick to my words and throw a party the following night. Part of my reason is I can't sleep so I stay awake planning instead. The other part is...I don't know. Insanity?

I don't know what I'm trying to prove. I don't know why I'm trying to keep up a stupid ruse for someone who's not even going to be at the party. I know it's all so very idiotic but there goes my body again, being possessed.

It's not the only ruse I'm pulling off that evening. I'm not drinking. A bottle of water is in my hand the entire time I socialize.

Don't get me wrong, there's booze here. There's lots of booze here. But I'm not partaking. I know it's raised a few eyebrows tonight--for various reasons.

But truthfully? I don't give a damn about anything anymore. So I might as well enjoy myself, right?

It was an open invitation--if I invited you and you knew someone, I said bring them. I invited old crew members and their families. Friends of mine, current and old from long ago. Gloria, Ben, and Jake are here (of course).

I should be jaded that so many people showed up on the flip of a dime. It kinda sucks. I can't help but wonder, where the fuck were all you people when I needed you?

But hey--free booze, right? Once in a lifetime opportunity to catch a glimpse inside my cage, right? I mean, to catch a glimpse inside Orion Bauwen's house, right?

Right?

"I'm glad you're not drinking," Gloria tells me seriously, her husband at her side.

"Oh I am," I reply with a laugh, swishing around my half-drank water bottle.

"Where's Tristan?"

My face falls and I look away, mumbling. "We broke up."

She looks stunned. "Oh. I--I'm sor--"

"Orion!"

I turn around. It's Olivia. I break out into a grin immediately and walk away from Gloria.

"Hey!" I say, wrapping my arm around her waist and giving her a peck on the cheek. "I'm glad you made it! I thought you worked?"

"Yeah but--" she fake-coughs, "I'm sick."

I laugh. "You won't get in trouble, will you?"

"Naw, it's fine. Besides, I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

I grin. Of course you wouldn't.

I lead Olivia around the house. There are people all over the place, inside and out. I don't even know half of them.