The Orion Star

Tumbling

**TRIGGER WARNING** Depictions of alcoholism and depression are made. Brief bulimic scene depicted. Reader discretion is advised.

Here we are

In this abyss

Swore one day

It would never come to this

So shut your eyes

And tell me goodbye

It's not like 

I  could ever die

--From the song One By One The Gods Slowly Fall

Lyrics by Orion Bauwens

I walk in, tossing my sunglasses down on the table that's by the front door in the foyer. A few days have passed and I haven't spoken to Ben and Jake--fuck them. Honestly besides Gloria, I haven't talked to, well, anyone.

I just got back from trying to convince her I wanted to go on the road again. She told me the same damn thing Ben and Jake did. So I left.

She had the audacity to suggest I wanted to tour because I'm running away from my problems. So I left.

I am so stupid. I ran away. I proved her right.

She had called after me as I stormed out of her office that Jake and Ben were worried about me. She said Tristan had even called her. But I ignored her, not saying a word.

Fuck them. Fuck all of them. I'm fine. I just need a distraction since my life is still fucked up...

God, I still hadn't even been able to see the evidence of my court case! What was the big deal? I just want to make sure they got the right person. I just want to make sure I only have one stalker, yaknow? I don't need something else creepy to happen.

So I just need to go on tour, or record an album maybe, so I don't think of this shit. And that's why I've been drinking--it's not like I can't stop when I want to. I just want my brain to shut the fuck up.

And that's really a majority of my anxiety. I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop. I'm waiting for something disturbing to be painted on my house, or maybe get a brick through my window. I'm expecting the cops to call and be like, "Well gosh, Orion, sorry about that! Guess we got the wrong one! Golly gee, we'll do better this time!".

Because that's how my fucking life goes. There's always another fucking shoe. I could fill a Payless.

I think I'm getting paranoid. I fully admit that. The more I stay inside, the worse it gets. Leaving my house to meet Gloria sent me into a damn panic attack, which sucks. I haven't had one of those in awhile.

So now that I'm home, the first thing I'm gonna do is take one of my leftover anxiety pills--

"Orion."

I lift my head. You can imagine my surprise when Tristan is standing there. I mean, sure, I gave him my key and my alarm code a while ago, but...

"Oh, hey."

Tristan narrows his eyes and holds up an unopened beer bottle.

Oh, fuck me.

"I can explain--"

"Please do."

My mind whirls. I'd love to explain but nothing but the truth keeps rolling around my mind. And I'm not going to say that.