𝑭𝑨𝑳𝑳𝑰𝑵𝑮, djs ✓

A Semi-Happy New Year

daniel's pov

"I love you."

~

<<< 1 hour earlier

1 hour till midnight.

60 minutes until a new year.

3,600 seconds until a whole new year full of possibilities.

We got to Hannah's house around 10 and ate some food and played a ton of games. Those who got away with it, drank at their own risk. Y/n and I went to take some pictures outside while it was still early and ate Mrs- I mean Emma's famous cheesecake. The rest of the food were mostly appetizers to keep us going before midnight. Throughout the night, we listened to music, played a bunch of games, and danced. The games were fun, a little confusing, but fun. Brooke ended up getting wasted before midnight and crashed on the couch. I'm surprised no one has thrown up yet. Hannah's plus one ditched her to go to his ex girlfriend's party, and Hannah, being drunk, ended up really emotional and it was not a pretty sight. Y/n and I found our own little hiding place in their library. I'm still surprised that they even have a library. We hid out there for a while when Brooke crashed on the couch. It was too chaotic for my taste.

It's now 11:30.

30 more minutes until next year.

We all gathered around the living room to watch the ball drop in Times Square. We all talked about our plans for the new year and stuff like that. The moms got the drinks ready for midnight in the kitchen, chatting about whatever. Hannah tries waking up Brooke from her sleep for the 3rd time this night. Me and Y/n are sitting on the giant sofa next to Bailey and Ethan. Once Hannah gives up waking Brooke up and tries shooting her shot with Bailey's brother, Adam. At this point, time feels like it's flying by. It felt like yesterday when I met the girl of my dreams. It doesn't feel like I met her just under 4 months ago. 

"So, what's your new years resolution?" Hannah's dad asks. I didn't realize that we were sharing our resolutions. Everyone's eyes are on me. I can feel my palms get sweaty.

"Um, well. Maybe know what career I'll be focusing on, be more social, and I don't know, finding a college would be pretty helpful." Scattered laughter goes around the room. I look to Y/n beside me and smile, "And be the best boyfriend I can be." Almost all the girls say 'aww' after me. Everyone looks to Y/n for her turn.

"Oh, my turn. Well, I'd want to find a college before spring break, a-and...I don't guys, sorry but I say this every year. Resolutions are pointless, they're broken promises you make that'll end up disappointing everyone." An unsettling silence sits in the middle of the room.

"Well, no harm in trying, right?" Bailey says. Y/n glares at her subtly, but noticeable for me and Ethan to see.

"I don't see the point in making a promise when I know it'll break in a matter of days." Silence stays in the room. "Sorry guys." she says quietly. I take her hand and squeeze it. Thankfully, Ethan breaks the silence.

"Well, um, I guess it's my turn. I only really have one. I want to a better man, last year was a rough year for me. But, I don't wanna be a better man for me, but for my fiance, and the family we'll start together. I want to be a good example to my kids. I want them to know the man I will be and not the man I was. Let's face it, I wasn't even a man this past year, I was a boy. I don't want to be that guy anymore. So, I guess I want to be better, more than better. Not just for me, but for the people I love." Everyone is quiet, you can hear a pin drop. I look over to see Y/n's eyes almost watering. I pull her close to me as she snuggles up against me. Bailey hugs Ethan as he kisses the top of her head.

"That was beautiful Ethan." Emma says.

"That's a great resolution, I'm proud of you son." Mr. y/l/n follows.

"I see some great things in our future." Bailey's dad says, everyone agreeing. Hannah's mom pass out the drinks to all of us. Champagne and sparkling cider.

"Okay guys only a couple minutes until the new year. Get your phones ready and your glasses up." We all gather around the living room, the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the snow covered land. The ball slowly drops with it's final minutes. We all countdown in unison.

"10!"

"9!"

"8!"

"7!"

I pull Y/n close to my side, my arm around her shoulders.

"6!"

"5!"

"4!" Brooke finally wakes up and shoots up from the sofa, joining us in the countdown.

"3!"

"2!"

"1!!!" Everyone yells in unison.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!" We all cheers our glasses, saying 'Happy New Year' to everyone. Y/n pulls me down to her head, smashing her lips into mind.

"Happy new year Dani." I pull her in closer, kissing her back.

"Happy new year."

~

We all went out to the balcony in our coats to watch the fireworks. Everyone eventually left, saying how cold it was. Me and Y/n stayed out, looking at the view. Fireworks kept going off, it was a beautiful sight. She's all cuddled up next to me, taking in the view. I can see the reflection of the fireworks burst in her eyes. 

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" she asks. I look down to see her face, still focused on the view.

"What do you mean?" I ask.

"When you said you wanted to be the best boyfriend you can be. Did you mean it?" She quickly looks up to me for my answer, then looks back out to the world.

"Of course I did." She looks back up, a smile on her face.

"So, you wouldn't mind if I don't not love you..." she says quietly. A smile grows on my face, but my heart is full of panic. She's gonna say it, and right now I'm too nervous to say it back. I already know how this'll end. 

"Daniel," She looks into my eyes, hers are sparkling. "I love you."

So now I know. 

She loves me, and I love her. But what if my love isn't good enough for her? What if it's not enough? I love her too much for her to love someone like me. I don't deserve her, she's perfect. She's kind, loving, caring, thoughtful, selfless - she's everything to me. What I do or don't say could change everything. 

Panic kicks my gut. Indecisiveness enters my head. I begin to overthink everything. What would happen if I did say it, what happen if I didn't say it. I think about what would happen if I said it, even though I have to leave the next day. Would she think I still love her? Or would she think it's just an empty phrase? If I didn't say it, would she know that I really do? No, she wouldn't. She would never know. That's a risk I'm not willing to take. I've loved this girl from the moment she stepped into my house that September day. I fell in love with all of her. The wise girl who knows exactly what to say, and the girl who can make me laugh and smile in a heartbeat. She's the only person I can feel completely myself with. She's my everything. How could someone not love her? She is beauty. She is grace. She is mine, and I need to let her know. I can't push my feelings aside forever and let her wait in curiosity. But what if something goes wrong? And this 'I love you' will mean nothing. Do I want to risk that? Or what if she's just worth the risk...

"Daniel?" Her voice brings me back to the present. "Do you love me?" Her eyes sparkle in the moonlight, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

"I-"