Outlaws for Life (Red Dead Redemption 2)

Chapter FortyOne: Failure

We decide to camp halfway from the reservation and let the night pass. We light a fire and take two cans of beans to eat, but neither Arthur nor I are able to put anything in our stomachs. I feel sick with myself.

How could I be so stupid? Why didn't I tell Charles about Javier? Why didn't I explain myself properly?

His eyes. Dear Lord, his eyes were... He hated me, he was disgusted by me, he felt betrayed. I know, I saw it.

I sense Arthur staring at me all the time. I know he wants to ask me about what happened, maybe give some advise, make me change my mind and go back, but I don't give him the chance. Turning my back to the fire, I spend maybe the worst night I've ever had. 

.......................

We reach Beaver Hollow in the morning. My eyes are swallow and hurting after I cried for most of the night and I have this insistent knot in my throat. I can't deny I'm having a hard time, and today is going to be even harder.

When I dismount Buell, I stop to give a look at the semi-deserted camp. I get to know Mr. Pearson has left too. The kitchen is empty and so is his tent.

"I'll go speak with Dutch" says Arthur moving towards the camp.

I follow him drawing closer to the campfire with all the people seated around it, those who still haven't run. Sadie, John, Bill, Micah, Micah's friends and... Javier. They notice us as we walk towards them.

"How's the boy?" asks Sadie.

"He... he didn't make it" replies Arthur.

I move my eyes on Javier who stares back at me. It's his fault, he did it on purpose. Why? Why talking about the kiss in front of Charles? A personal revenge on me? Or maybe he was really trying to provoke some kind of reaction in Charles?

"I'm sorry" says Sadie, but her words come to my ears as a distant mumble.

I can't stand his face anymore, I can't stand his presence, the way he looks at me, aware of the great pain he has caused to me, and to Charles. I have the strong desire to strangle him.

"Where's Charles?" asks Sadie.

Hearing his name, some sort of electrical shock runs through my body and I can't control myself anymore. I take two big steps and throw myself against him. The chair where he is seated cedes under the weights of the both of us combined and I find myself rolling on the ground. I bring both my hands on his throat and start squeezing hard while I feel him struggling and pushing me away.

"Stop! Stop! What's wrong with you?" asks an unknown voice.

A lot of hands take me and put me back on my feet against my will. I shake and jerk freeing myself and staring at Javier while he stands up and adjust his clothes. My eyes full of tears push Sadie to walk closer and ask me what happened.

"It's all his fault! He did this! He did this!" I start screaming pointing my finger to the Mexican.

"I did nothing. Nothing at all" he shouts back.

"He hates me, he hates me because of you!"

"Who?" asks Sadie.

"C-Charles" I whisper and my legs suddenly don't sustain me anymore.

A couple of strong arms take me from under my arms.

"That's not possible, how can he hate you?" she asks with a strange sweet voice that I've never heard on her. "His eyes... y-you should have seen h-his eyes..." I sob.

I hear her gently ask John to bring me to her tent and the two arms now slowly drag me away.

I sit down and automatically take the water Abigail is handing me. It takes me a little to calm myself down and while I do it, I keep staring at the people gathered around the fire. Javier is whispering something to Micah and Bill who are laughing at his words.