Southside

Chapter 15

Ghost

It was a chill rainy day and no one was really in the mood to go out and do anything. Dutchess had lit some candles around the living room and we were watching The Players Club. She was retwisting some of my locs as I sat on the ground.

"You ever wonder what life would of been like if you weren't in the game," she said as she massaged some oil into my scalp.

"Sometimes why?" I asked.

"I don't know I've been thinking how my life would of turned out differently if my parents weren't killed. I would have lived a different life for sure," she said.

"I feel that... I wonder how my life would of been different if certain things didn't happen in my childhood," I said as I inhaled the smoke from my blunt.

"Stuff like what?"she asked.

I took a deep breathe as I thought about my mom. I didn't know if I was ready to share my mom with her, but I cared about her and my mom was a huge part of me.

"My dad shot my mom in front of me when I was sixteen," I said.

She stopped twisting my hair and I sat back.

"I-I'm so sorry," she said.

"You don't gotta apologize that nigga somewhere getting his in prison. Life moves on," I said.

"Is that why you became a hitman?" She asked softly.

"Yeah ain't nobody got me like I got me and the streets don't owe me shit. My uncle and them tried to raise me after she died but I wasn't really feeling living up here. So Rico and his family took me in for a little bit. I miss her and I go to see her grave from time to time. I know she wouldn't want me living this life but I couldn't cope with her death so I did what I had to do," I said.

Dutchess hugged me from behind and I could feel her tears on head.

"That's a lot to carry around. Is that why you're so quiet and closed off," she whispered.

"Yeah I don't trust anyone. My dad used to beat the shit out of my mom, he was real sick in the head. He cheated on her with multiple women and sometimes would bring those women to the house. Some of them tried to do shit to me but I would fight them off. That nigga ain't care and my momma tried leaving his ass but he would always find her. We moved up here for a while but he found us and convinced my mom he changed. She believed him and went back but after a couple of weeks he was right back at it. Just this time she didn't have time to escape, they got into a huge fight and next thing you know he shot and killed her right in front of me," I said as my mind went back to that night.

"Babe I'm so so sorry. You have to let that stuff out, you know we all care about  you. I care for you and I'm sorry I can't take the pain away and that you had to live with that, I really am," she said as she cried.

I felt her tears on my shoulder as she rubbed on my chest and rocked me back and forth.

I didn't even notice the tears that were streaming down my face. I missed my mom more than anything in the world, she was my rock and best friend. In a way Dutchess reminded me of her, they were both resilient, independent, and ambitious. They were also sweet and beautiful, even though it took Dutchess a while to open up. They also cared and were compassionate and loving to the people around them. I saw how much Dutchess cared and loved Nasir, and how protective she was of him.

"You can always trust me, I'm here for you. You have been watching over me and protecting me since we came up here, and I would like to do the same for you. Don't feel like you can't cry in front of me either, it doesn't make you any less of a man. I don't look at you any differently," whispered Dutchess.