Tell Me What Love Is 𑁍

Chapter 29

Aika Salvador's Point of View.

[Song Track: (1) Already Gone by Sleeping At Last and (2) Levanter by Stray Kids (English Ver.)]

"Anak?"

I immediately wiped my tears. Damn it. I'm back to being coward again. I hate myself. I hate being weak. I could've just died with gunshots, bakit ganito pa? Inuunti-unti pa? It's killing me mentally. The moment I was told by Joaquin that I was diagnosed with Leukemia last week, it broke my heart. I thought everything is going fine.

Isang mapait na ngiti ang binigay ko kay Tito. Hawak-hawak na pala niya ang maleta ko. Muli kong sinilayan ang litrato naming anim na kinuha noong birthday ko. Too sad, the last moment that I got to spend with them is yesterday. I hate myself. I hate it that I'm doing this. It's just painful to imagine the guys going here to check on me just to find out that I just flew to States without telling them.

I don't want to die in front of them. I don't want them to lose me again. I'd rather cut my connections with them alive than dead. I don't have plans on getting medications on States either. Kahit pinilit ako nila Tita and I said yes. I only did that so that I could get out of this country.  I'll be a burden to them again.

Wiping my tears didn't stop it from falling at all. Naupo lang ako sa kama. Narinig ko pa na nagbuntong-hininga si Tito bago lumabas ng kwarto.

Naaalala ko pa kung paano ako puntahan nila Joaquin araw-araw dito sa hospital since last week. They offered me to study with them. They're willing to study for the assessment tests here at the hospital just so I don't have to catch up.

Bittersweet. I hate people who breaks their promises. And I hate myself because I'm breaking my own. Natatakot ako, e. Can I even survive? I don't know where is this going.

Gusto ko na lang lumayo at hintayin ang sarili ko na mamatay. I don't want to see them hurting. I don't want to see them crying. I just want to disappear without hurting them, especially Joaquin. I'm not even leaving a letter to them. I don't want to leave something that would eventually remind them of me.

Sinilayan ko ang nagri-ring ko na cellphone. Joaquin is calling me. I felt my heart shattered even more. I'm in love. But I can't love him anymore. Sucks.

With all the strength I can get from my weak body, I stood up. Damn. I want to hug them. Was I born to hurt people?

Lumabas na ako ng kwarto at nakitang nakikipag-usap sila Tita sa doctor. She gave me a warm smile and hugged me quick. I didn't even responded. I'm tired.

Naglakad ako kasama sila Tita papuntang elevator.  Pagpasok namin ay nagsara agad ang pinto. Pero bago iyon magsara ng tuluyan ay nakita ko pa si Joaquin na naglalakad. He didn't see me. Damn. Mas nasaktan ako. I can't imagine him confused as to why I just disappeared. Why am I so selfish? Why am I like this?

I cried again as I feel my body get weaker and weaker. As soon as we got out of the hospital, pumara agad sila Tita ng taxi. Good thing nakakuha kami agad, Joaquin will probably go out to tell the boys too. Wala na siyang rason para mag-stay sa hospital.

We stayed at the airport hanggang sa flight na namin. I took out my sim and threw it on the trash bin without even saving their numbers on my new one. I'm forgetting them. I won't survive anyway. There's no use of keeping in touch of them.

Oh how I hate myself for being like this.

Nilingon ko ang mahina kong katawan sa direksyon nila Tita nang kalabitin niya ako. Nilagyan niya ako ng jacket sa balikat at saka ngumiti.