Jily one shots

Sexual Education

Disclaimer: written by @Owl and Crow

⚠️⚠️WARNING MATURE THEMES ARE MENTIONED ⚠️⚠️

Sexual Education

Sirius had an odd way of helping his friends. Truth be told he really wanted nothing more than to make the few people he cared about as happy as possible. Or as happy as he was. So, he would go out of his way to do unnecessary thing and often ending up just causing trouble.

Like in his first year he wrote a scathing Howler to Remus' mother about how her poor hygiene was the real cause of her constant illness. He pointed out in said letter that she was really taking away from her child's school experiences by forcing her son to return home so often. As can be expected, this did not go over well. Remus received a Howler in return and Sirius received a brutal fist to the face from Remus.

Remus' ungrateful response to Sirius' "help" did not deter him from offering more to aid his fellow Marauders through their school years. In his fourth year he tried to help Peter pass a Potions' test via a complex concoction of signals. Most of which involved him coughing or sneezing a certain number of times. Unfortunately Sirius forgot to tell Peter what he intended to do, so in the end Peter still failed and Sirius was sent to the Hospital Wing for his supposed cold.

But Sirius saved most of his special brand of "helping" for his very best friend. James Potter got the grunt of Sirius' charity. He did everything from ask Lily Evans out on James' behalf to kidnapping Lily and dragging her to Three Broomsticks where James was waiting. (The whole kidnapping thing was not James' idea. He had been waiting at the Three Broomsticks because his deranged best mate told him to.) The unpleasant result to all this was James getting yelled at by a fiery petite red head. Luckily for Sirius, James never blamed his friend for any of it.

That was until Lily and James began dating.

Even though the two were together and very happy, Sirius still thought that it was in their best interest if he kept "helping". In his good opinion he had been the reason they got together in the first place. It had nothing to do with the fact that Remus finally smacked James and told him, he 'better grow up or Lily Evans is never going to touch you the way you want her to.'

At first Sirius could not see anything wrong with the couple's relationship. Absolutely nothing that needed his helping hand. You can imagine that this worried him considerably. If he could not see their problems, then it would be impossible for them to solve those problems. Because there was no way they could handle it themselves.

It was Sirius' good fortune that James was not tight lipped about his issues with his lady love, when he probably should have been. As it turned out after six months of dating, Lily Marie Evans had yet to shag poor Prongsie's brains out. Or let him touch her the way he so dearly wanted to. She would not even touch him in anyway that would sate his irrational teenage boy needs.

Perfect...

For Sirius anyway, James was pretty upset about it.

It was the last week of school when Sirius decided to make his move, on his friend's behalf of course. Lily was sitting in the Common Room hoping to savor her last few moments in the castle that she loved so dearly. She should have known that as long as Sirius Black was in the vicinity there was no hope of peace.

You see, Sirius thought that the reason Lily had not shagged James was because she did not understand the ins and outs of procreation. Which of course was far from the truth. So, he drew her a crude picture and pushed it in her face.

"Black, what the hell is that?!" Lily demanded, her cheeks glowing red at the sight.

"This, Lily dearest, is a penis. It's used to have sex with and to pee," Sirius explain in what he hoped was an intelligent voice. Lily swung her book at his head.