[ COACH ] Hope
[ SONG | ARTIST ] Winter Wonderland | Pentatonix
[ WATTPAD WORD COUNT ] 1,077 words
Flowers stepped on, unappreciated, unloved, and finally, hearing a door slam in front of my face. That pretty much sums up my Christmas morning. We had an argument... again.
I picked up the flowers that she stepped on, threw it in the nearest trash bin, and got into my car. I gazed at the rearview mirror, looking at gigantic 'I'm sorry' teddy bear that I'm supposed to give her on our supposedly Christmas date that is not happening anymore.
I feel sick in my stomach right now. I feel pissed off because I'm trying to be the mature one here. I'm trying to make-up for what happened yesterday with her, but apparently, the rumors of me 'going out' with my supposedly girlfriend, but really my cousin, whom I was helping out doing some last-minute Christmas shopping, was more believable than what I tell her.
I don't even know why we're both still together. I don't even know why we're still seeing each other. I don't even like being in this scenario anymore. I don't even want to continue this. I don't want to be with her anymore. This relationship is dying, and I don't want to be the one to kill it.
I stepped on the gas and started driving. There's only one person who can understand me right now. And I know that that person will listen to me. No matter how annoying I can be with all of this.
It was a three-hour drive to get to the destination. When I got out of the car, I noticed snow falling down from the heavens. I smiled at the sight. You really love the snow.
I entered the gate. You were sitting there, right on schedule, waiting for me, like usual. I walked until I'm in front of you. I gave you flowers and we both sat down. It feels good to be by your side again. It feels good to hold you once more. It feels cold. It is cold today, isn't it?
I wiped some snow off your head. Just like when we were kids, right?
We were kids back then, whenever you see the snow falling outside, you would run on the middle of the road, really excited. Remember? You even tried to catch all of the snow, and some of them will get piled up on your head. And I'm the one who always wipes them off.
"We had another one today," There I go again with all of this. "She doesn't even trust me anymore." I continued on, feeling disheartened. I felt my eyes tearing up. "She doesn't even believe me. And when I tried to apologize today, she just threw the flowers in front of me and stepped on it. Real mature, right?" I paused. "It's like killing me, right now." I used my hand to wipe the tears off my face. "Don't worry though; those are not the flowers she stepped on." I said to brush off the sadness I'm feeling.
I held you again. As I do so, a snowflake fell on my glove. Just like before, a snowflake fell when we're both holding hands. I gazed at her, and I smiled, "I want you back. I want you beside me like this. I want you with me, just like before. Just like how it is a few years back."
I'm definitely crying at this point. I know it's never going to happen again. I know we can never go back.
"I want to walk with you in the snow like two years ago." I wiped my tears, and gave you a smile. You hate seeing me crying, yet I come here every single time after an argument just to cry to you and tell you how much it kills me. "You want me to build you a snowman?" I asked to divert it all away. I know you do, you love snowmen. Yet you can't build one because it always topples, so I always do it for you.
"It's been nineteen years already and you still can't build a snowman." I tried laughing while piling up some snow, teasing you. "Do you even have a childhood?" I know you do, though. I was in there. You even named me as your 'Official Snowman Builder'.
After finishing the body of the snowman, I searched for some twigs for his hand and some pebbles for his eyes and mouth. After it's done, I looked back at you. "Do you like it?" I asked you. You do, just like always.
Looking at the snowman I built for you, my eyes started to feel like watering again. I tried to brush it off because I really don't like crying in front of you... but I just can't hold it back. I always end up crying because I really miss you and all the things we did together.
I wish we could continue playing in the snow together. I wish we could frolic around laughing while the snow above us kept falling down. I wish we could build more snowmen together. I wish we could throw more snowballs at each other. I really want to spend this winter and all the other winters I'll have with you.
If I could ask God for anything this Christmas, I want it to be you.
"I still love you, you know." I held her once more. It feels cold. It really does. I felt something flowing down my cheek. It's snow, right? "I still love you so much. I really do."
I looked up at the sky. The snow is falling down like my tears falling for love unrequited. The snowfall slowly decreased and the one snowflake fell right into your head. I smiled and wiped it off your tombstone, "I love you." And you loved me back.
"I have to go now." I stood up, "Thank you for listening to me for the millionth time again. Thank you for never getting tired of me."
"I love you, Merry Christmas and Happy supposed-to-be-our third anniversary." I hugged her tombstone before leaving the cemetery.
I opened the car door. Before getting in, I looked back at the cemetery where you (my ex-girlfriend) were buried. The last drop of snow fell right into my hands. It's really over---our perfect world is all gone. And all I can do is look back at it.
I let out a bittersweet smile before entering my car and driving back home. My perfect world had ended for the meantime. I guess it's back to the shitty reality called life again.
