Athazagoraphobia | Adam Banks (3)

It hurts

Lexi and Adam sat on the girls bed, lexi had been having one of those days, where the depression she had that no one else knew about came to the surface, she'd never broken down or shared her Depression with anyone before and she was trying her hardest not to let her emotions cloud her decisions and judgements now.

Adam could sense the breakdown his girlfriend was about to have, he watched as she took a few deep breaths, trying to focus on her homework, the pair hadn't arrived home too late from the dinner and apparently for Lexi it was the perfect time to finish math homework.

A few moments later though  Lexi dropped the pencil that was in her hand and started sobbing. She couldn't stop crying. The emotions all finally hit her. Everything that happened in the past few years came back to her. 

She knew it was coming, she'd been feeling like shit for a long time, she had these breakdowns regularly, she just had never had them in front of everyone.

Adam reached out and pulled his girlfriend towards him, running a hand through her hair and trying to calm her down.

The girl sniffled and let the tears run down her face. Lexi sighed and buried her neck in Adam's neck. "Why me?! Why does everything happen to me?! I lost my mom, I lost my best friend, I lost my dad, I've lost everyone, I'm a piece of trash"

"You haven't lost me" Adam informed her with a small smile.

"But I have" she muttered causing the boy to look on in confusion, he watched as the girl looked down frowning, seemingly in deep concentration.

The boy went back to his homework and had only been working a few moments when the girl spoke again.

"I can't", the girl said suddenly, causing the boy to turn and look at her.

"What do you mean?" Adam asked in confusion as he looked down at the girl he loved

"I-I can't, you can't, we can't" she rambled out, tears filling her eyes.

"What are you talking about Lexi?" The boy asked, worry filling his chest.

"It hurts, it hurts that I can't be what everyone wants, or what anyone needs and it hurts that I can't be what I want or what I need, because I am not enough and I will never be enough. And I am just so damn tired of trying. I can't keep doing this, holding you hostage. Making you stay while I breakdown, dragging you into the mess that is my life. You deserve better, you need better" she said sadly. "I don't blame anyone, I did this to myself, it's my fault, everything is always my fault"

"Cutie.." The boy said sadly, feeling his heart snap in half.

"Go gorgeous, find someone who is worth loving, because it's not me," the girl said softly, refusing to let anymore tears fall.

"Lexi you are worth loving, I've loved you for 14 years" the boy pleaded but before he could continue the girl cut him off.

"If you love me you'll walk away, if you love me you'll let me go," Lexi said softly, refusing to meet the boy's eye.

Adam Banks stood up, walking over to his girlfriend " I can't just let you go" he said firmly.

Lexi just sent him a sad smile "then I'll guess I'll have to let you go" she stated as she grabbed his hand and walked towards her front door.

"I'm sorry, but you'll see. You will be better, happier without me. I will always love you but i can't be selfish, you deserve an epic love, someone who isn't sad all the time or worthless" Lexi said as she met the now sobbing boys eyes.

"I don't want to leave," Adam said softly, begging the girl to let him stay.

"It will hurt you more if you stay," the girl said as she pushed him out the front door and shut it.

Adam Banks turned facing the door, turning the knob before realising it was locked. He cursed the fact that his key was inside the girl's house, he had no way of getting in.

Lexi Conway sunk to the floor, head in her hands, quiet sobs wracking her body, breaking up with the love of her life hurt her but she knew it was for the best, Adam Banks deserved the world and all Lexi could offer was the broken shell of a teenage girl.

"Lexi" The girl heard the voice of Adam Banks cry out as he banged against the door "please, please let me in" he repeated over and over again. 

Lexi reached up and covered her ears, she wouldn't give in, she was doing what was best. She was setting the boy free to find his own happiness.

"Lexi. Please. I can't love anyone else more then I've love you, don't do this to me" the boy begged brokenly.

Lexi Conway didn't move, she stayed seated against her door, listening to the boy's cries. She felt numb.

The girl heard him leave and she stood, dragging her feet upstairs to her bedroom. She sat on her bed and looked out her window, her eyes finding their way into Adams Room.

She frowned as she saw the boy sobbing on his bed, writing something down frantically on a piece of Paper.

The girl watched as he stood, rushing to his window and holding up the paper for her to see "Please i love you" was written in sloppy handwriting, the boy was clearly shaking. 

Lexi said nothing, she sadly smiled before walking to her window, hope-filled the boys eyes but it was quickly taken away as the girl simply shut the curtains.