Sinning like a saint // BJA

[14] She laughed

I've dealt with my feelings for Billie for a while. For years. For what feels like a life time. And yet, I still find it hard to fight the feeling of just grabbing and kissing his stupid face.

I ignore the feeling every day. I fight the feeling every minute I'm with him, I should be good at it by now. But it only feels like it gets harder every day.

That smile he gives me. It's not like any ordinary smile I receive from people. Well it is, it's just simply lifting the corners of your mouth upwards. But it gives me such a different feeling. I hate that. I hate that he can do that. I hate he can make me feel this way. I hate the most that he doesn't realise I hate these things.

I couldn't even keep it to myself anymore. I had to tell someone.

And that is exactly why I was here with Mike.

Mike already had mentioned the thing about how I would be perfect for Billie at one point when we walked all the way back to Billies to get beers Ella wouldn't let him bring. And in all honesty? He was the closest to figuring it out.

There was always moments when I would catch myself staring at Billie or saying something under my breath and I always worried he saw those things.

Don't get me wrong, Tre could probably notice to... if he wasn't so guidable. Not to mention his attention span was so bad if he did notice I could throw a tennis ball and like a dog he'd go follow and forget what we was originally talking about.

And Billie... God I don't think he'll ever know.

"So... you said you wanted to tell me something," Mike recalled spinning slightly left to right on his red desk chair as I sat crossed legged on his bed holding my shoes nervously. Picking at the rubber around them.

"I do," I slowly slurred. "But you can't tell anyone!" I quickly looked up at him and gave him a look to mean I wasn't joking. And he quickly nodded.

"I won't I won't,"

"I trust you Mike,"

"Good. So what is it?"

I took a deep breath in. This was sure as hell a big step. To tell my best friend I have a crush on my other best friend.

"So..." I breathed nervously, my hands were trembling a little but I payed little attention to that problem, "I've got a crush on this boy,"

"Who?" He asked near enough straight away.

I gulped. "Let's just say y'know him..."

"Okay...?"

"And I've liked him for... a while. And by a while I mean a while. And he has no idea. Not a single clue, he's oblivious to it."

"Who else knows about this crush,"

"No one. No one but you now."

"So can I know who it is?"

I regret this so much. "You sure you wanna know?"

"As sure as hell,"

"And you won't tell anyone?"

"Nope,"

"No one,"

"Nope, no one,"

"Not a single soul?"

"Will not tell a single soul,"

"Or even the ghosts that roam with no souls, no speaking to demons and telling them my secrets."

He chuckled slightly before nodding again. "I promise I won't tell your secret to the undead who may have no soul."

"Alright... here goes," I breathed in. "It's-"

"-Hey Mike!" Billie smiled as he walked in. "You're mom let me in, I- oh hey Phee," He realised as he noticed me sat on the bed.

I gave him a little smile that was clearly not genuine and his eyes stayed on me. Flickering at me.

"Are you okay?" He asked concerned.

"What? Yeah, yeah course I'm fine,"

"If you say so," he shrugged before jumping on Mike's bed landing beside me.

"So anyway, carry on Phee," Mike looked back over at me.

I can't Mike you idiot because the boy I'm trying to tell you about is in the room.

"Actually It doesn't matter now,"

"Is that cause I walked in?" Billie asked me confused.

"No, well, it just- it can wait,"

"Why've you come here anyway?" Mike asked Billie curiously.

He shrugged, "I'm bored, Tre is with Charlie and I figured I would come see you,"

"Is that all?"

"Pretty much,"

We talked for a while. Nothing interesting, just boring conversation until there was one point.

Billie made a joke, he looked straight to me. And I laughed because his joke was... well it was funny. And he looked at me and smiled. And after that moment I remember his eyes never seemed to be off me. I was intimidated by it to say the least.

"I should probably head home now," I told the both of them as I jumped up and got off of Mike's bed. "My mom wants me back early, she needs help doing something... she didn't tell me what,"

"Have fun with that," Mike wished as he span around in his chair.

Billie gave me a wave. "Bye Phee, see you whenever,"

I waved back before exiting out of Mikes room. Close call, did I just save myself or just ruin?

Obviously being best friends with Mike too for years. I wasn't awkward around his house, so I let myself out.

Billies P.O.V

"Holly shit Mike I don't know what just happened to me," I mumbled staring into space in a state of confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't even know how to word it. I said a joke, Phee laughed. And I just felt... different."

"What do you mean by different?"

"I don't know, I just. I realised so many little things, like Did you ever realise she has a dimple on her left cheek only when she smiles? Because I've... I've never realised that," I rambled as Mike stoped me.

"Billie, Billie hold up. I'm not following, what do you mean?"

"I just, she laughed,"

"Yeah?"

"And it felt so much different to me. I've made her laugh a million and one fucking times but that one time just felt different. It was some sorta way she just did it. I don't even fucking know man I'm loosing it-"

"-I didn't know you was the type to lose it over a girl?"

"Neither did I,"