I Know Your Secret-Death Note

Falling Apart

       It was deathly quiet from where L stood, just on the other side of the door leading to Ori's bedroom. His hand slowly reached out to grasp the knob; it opened with a silent swing. Inside, the room was dark and completely trashed. The only light coming inside was provided from the city lights outside. Clothes spilled all over the floor, forming an explosive trail from open suitcases tipped over on the floor, the bedside table tipped over. Even the bed mattress was flipped over, resting on the dinner table near the kitchen, forming a tent. Tucked in the small space in between the table and mattress, was a small, shaking figure. Quiet sniffles filled the room. L trudged into the mess carefully. This was another new side of Ori he had never seen. The explosive one who could only unleash her anger and frustration through actions. It was something he would only see once throughout their time together on the Kira Case. 

       "I told myself I wouldn't let my feelings get the best of me; I promised you the same thing." Her voice cracked and wavered. He could hear the effort to hide the sobs fading away. They were becoming more and more prominent and easy to hear. He could hear the heartbreak in every single whimper. Her back was to him, now hunched. He was sure that it was painful, stretching out the stitches like that; she may even pop a few if she wasn't careful. 

       "You're going to hurt yourself like that." He murmured, ignoring the fact that she could hear him despite his efforts was staying quiet. 

       "I don't care!" She sobbed. "I need to feel it. It's the only thing keeping me from going insane. I know I'm alive. I need it." Her voice shrank into a whisper. L walked around the fort she made so he could see her face. Her arms were wrapped securely around her knees, her head tucked into her body. She was protecting herself, he realized with a start.

       "I don't think Vivian wou-"

       "Don't you dare throw that in my face!" She whipped her head up, blue-green and gold orbs glowing in the light only provided from outside. She jabbed a finger at his chest, crawling forward to reach him.

       "You don't get to tell me what she would've wanted! You didn't know her! Not-" she choked.

       "Not like I did." Her voice wavered and fell. "Y-you d-d-didn't... you didn't know her." She moved her hands up to her face, hiding her tears and wiping her eyes roughly. L didn't know what to do.

       This wasn't something he was familiar with. This was were Watari shined, not him. Slowly, cautiously, he reached his hand out to her, as if trying to refrain from scaring her. In a sudden blur, she jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his midsection. L fell back with an oof but said nothing else. She shook against him, sobbing loudly. With tentative hands, he brought his hands around her back. Wherever his hands rested, he just felt thin skin and jutting bones. She was so skinny. How had he not noticed just how frail she had gotten before. 

       "I'm sorry." She said once she was able to get a hold of herself. She wasn't crying anymore, but she inhaled and exhaled in shuddering breaths. Her voice was raw and thick. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She apologized but never moved. L was beginning to think she wasn't apologizing to him. She said it like a prayer, a mantra, something to live by. He tried rubbing her back gently, something Wataru had done when he was a child, but when his fingers skimmed over the stiff stitches, and Ori's breath hitched, he ceased the movements. When she finally pulled away, her face-especially her eyes-were puffy and red.

       "Sorry about jumping on you like that. That was uncalled for." She stood up and started tugging on the mattress, her face set into a stony and tense expression. She managed to flip the mattress back onto the bed and began pulling the blankets and comforter back into place.