I Know Your Secret-Death Note

I Know Your Secret

       Ori woke up with a start, gasping and clawing at her throat like the gash was still there. Her breath was ragged and it felt like it would take an eternity to get back to normal. L was up next to her, grasping her sweaty hands and trying to talk to her, but his voice was muffled under the ringing in her ears. When she was finally able to calm down, she could finally hear L's voice.

       "Hey, hey, it was just a nightmare, all right? Everything's okay." He pulled her against him, his narrow shoulders hunched low, and framed her back like a wall. She was distantly aware that she was sobbing. L was playing with her hands, smoothing his thumb over the skin of her palm and tracing the sides of her fingers. Ori sucked in a stuttering breath and let it rush from her lungs, now open and free of blood. She curled in on herself. She stuffed her face in her hands and let her shoulders shake violently with each heart-shattering sob. L's own hands moved down her wrists, forearms, until they settled at her stomach, crossed and soothing and warm. He didn't speak, only guarded her against any more nightmares.

       Slowly, the sobbing and shaking slowed until Ori's chest wasn't spasming anymore and she could breathe easily again.

       "Vivian again?" He whispered. Ori nodded against him; she was finally sucking in smooth and deep breaths, only hitching every now and then. The tears didn't stop, and Ori's eyes burned, but they'd slowed to just a few droplets.  

       It was like Ori's view of Vivian had changed into something horrid and perverse since her death. The nightmares turned from Vivian apologizing and urgently telling Ori she loved her to Vivian becoming some sick sadist who wanted nothing more than to cause Ori excruciating pain. 

       "She's become the villain in my mind." She said quietly. "I can't stop thinking that maybe Kira didn't make her do it. What if she did it all of her own volition? What if she had some psychological problems and the stress just made her snap? What if she killed herself all on her own, and Light had nothing to do with it?"

       "Honey, you know that's not true. Vivian loved you so much; you were the sun to her. She'd never do something like that with a clear head." His voice murmured low in her ear, lips brushing against the skin. There was nothing sexual about it; just calming. 

       "I'm here with you. You're okay." He shifted them so Ori was sitting across his lap, cradled like a baby, while he leaned back against the headboard of the bed. She leaned against his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat. 

       Thump. Thump. Thump. She was okay. 

       "I miss her." She didn't realize she said it until the words left her mouth and drifted into the air. 

       "I know." They stayed like that until Ori was able to fall asleep again. She didn't dream again. 

       When Ori woke the next morning, L was still there, awake and holding her close.

       "How's your back?" Was the first thing he said. 

       "It doesn't hurt anymore." Ori tried not to flinch as L touched her shoulder. His fingers gently wiggled over her shoulder blade.

       "Is this okay? I can stop." Ori's heard of exposure therapy. It was something people did to treat anxiety disorders without truly causing them any hard; Ori never thought it was something she'd have to do.

       "It's okay." His hands drifted lower, slow and careful, along the ridge of her scar until his hands settled at the small of her back, then repeated the process going up. It tingled as he moved his flattened palms in an almost sickening way; Ori shoved down the feeling welling up in her stomach and tried to focus on the fact that L's movements weren't malicious or ill-intentioned. They were gentle and loving; there was no knife scraping across her skin. She was okay. This was okay.