I Know Your Secret-Death Note

What We Said

       She didn't move as L turned the shower on cold and held the showerhead up to her skin. She didn't wince or tear away. It was like she had turned into a doll. Maybe Misa had been right.

       He made the pressure as soft as possible as it ran over her back. It washed away the growing prickles of blood that were beginning to run down her back.

       "I'm sorry." She whispered against his neck.

       "It's fine. It can't be helped now."

       "Not that. I'm sorry for what happened earlier. For pushing you away again." She grabbed at the front of his shirt. Her hands were trembling. He could feel his collar getting wet again.

       "The truth is. I don't want to forget what happened." She moved away from him, dragon-blue eyes big and sparkling with the shedding of her tears. She cupped his face, running her thumbs along his cheek bones, hands warm where they touched. "I don't want to stop loving you, but the way I acted before-" then it clicked. She thought that what had happened was her fault, when really, L was the one who had hurt her.

       She was breathing shortly again and let her hands fall to her sides. "I'm sorry." L could easily take advantage of this situation. Ori was broken and desperate, and if L wanted, he could probably do what he wanted with her and she'd be okay with it until morning. He could kiss her, ravage her until he was satisfied. He could abuse her and as long as she thought he would forgive her, she wouldn't mind. 

       Well, logically, he could do all those things, but deep in his heart, he knew he could never hurt her like that. She wasn't a toy for him to use, just like he wasn't a toy for her to play with. L wasn't that cruel.

       "I said a lot of horrible things to you." He said as he reached around her and turned off the water. The burn was still warm, but not as hot as before. "I was worried, and instead of talking to you like a mature adult, I acted like a child and called you names and said things I can never take back." He took her hands and laced their fingers together. "What you said to me was entirely accurate. You deserve better. The things you said were absolutely nothing compared to what I told you."

       "But-"

       "No buts. I was cruel before and you were just being truthful. Nothing you did was out of line." For good measure, he kissed her forehead and began peeling the cloth away from her back. She was shaking while he worked, sobbing against him. He wasn't sure if it was from the pain, what he said, or a mixture of both. 

       He turned on the shower again, running it over her back one last time. There was nothing sexual about what they were doing. It was just L helping someone he care about. Nothing else to it. 

       "I was thinking of Mom earlier, what she would say in this situation." He moved away from her, reaching for the burn cream. He'd have to wait until her back dried a little bit; the cream would do nothing if it didn't stick.

       "She'd call me dumb and tell me to try harder to get to you." L was reaching for a wash cloth to dab at the skin, then halted.

       "I don't think she would. At least, not at first." She looked up at him, brows bent back.

       "What do you mean?"

       "I've already told you that what you said was completely valid, and I think your mother would agree. I'm sure Vivian would say something along the lines of, 'you were too good for that detective anyway. He should be the one groveling at your feet for forgiveness'." He raised his voice up an octave to imitate Vivian's voice. Ori released a hearty laugh that had her shoulders shaking. Her smile was dreamy as she looked at him, eyes still bright and hair curling under her jaw. 

       "I love you." She said it easily in the midst of her laughter. L froze again on his way back to her. He felt his face catch fire. Now he understood when she had told him he couldn't just say things like that. It was so embarrassing. He shook himself off, motioning for her to turn herself around.

       "Shut up and turn around." She held up her hands in mock surrender, smile still on her face. She turned around, wincing as the skin on her back shifted to accommodate her movements. 

       "I'm also sorry I've been so reckless. I can't imagine it's been easy." She said. L set the wash cloth down when he noticed that her back was almost completely dry. There were just a few drips of water here and there. He squeezed a healthy helping of the cream into his hand, wanting to hurt her as little as possible. 

       "This probably isn't going to feel pleasant." He said. She nodded, bring her arms back to unclip her bra. The clasps fell away and she reached up her hug her arms over her front. Her back was left completely bear. He smeared the cream over her back, this time she jump.

       "It's not your fault. What happened with Vivian was all Kira, and the things her death left you with is a clear form of trauma." Then he realized something. "Is it okay that I'm touching your back like this?" She thought for a moment, then nodded. 

       "Yeah, I don't mind. Matsui just caught me off guard. It's not that bad if I'm expecting it." He nodded, then spoke because she couldn't see him.

       "All right, just let me know when I'm going too far."

       "I will." His hand skimmed over her scar and she jumped. 

       "Did that hurt?" He asked worriedly. She shook her head.

       "No, it didn't hurt. It's just sensitive."

       "Ahh," L commited that fact to memory. He wondered how far he could push before she told him to stop.

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       Man, L really needs to get laid, huh? Anyway, sorry I only posted one chapter today. I slept in until noon and spent most of the day watching The Promise Neverland. It's really good; y'all should watch it.  
       Until next time... Doragon-Chan is Out!
       "When the person you love can't see your love for them beneath the painful things you say when they reject you, remember this: Love is blind."
       ― Shannon L. Alder