I Know Your Secret-Death Note

Burning and Tingling

       Ori didn't know what to think. Was Raito Kira? And what did he mean by, 'I think I'm Kira'? Wouldn't he know if he was Kira?

       L seemed to be wondering that too. He frowned at Light like he wanted to ask questions that they didn't have the answer to. He stayed quiet, however, and had Light escorted away to jail cells in the basement Ori had no knowledge of. 

       If Light was Kira, then that meant he killed Vivian, right? 

       Ori felt sick and she felt dizzy. How many times was that now? How many times had she felt the urge to just projectile vomit all over the floor? She didn't want to, of course, but the way her stomach would churn constantly was beginning to get old. 

       "Maggie? Are you okay?" Matsuda came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. The gesture was meant to be comforting and full of reassurance, yet all Ori felt for a split moment was inexplicable terror. She jerked away from Matsuda, whirling around in her seat so he wasn't behind her anymore. His eyes were wide in alarm. The spot he had touched tingled in the worst of ways and Ori felt like she had to take a hot shower just to get rid of it. Or at least just let the hot water wash over her until the skin turned red and she couldn't take the blistering heat anymore. It could give her time to think and reflect on the day's events. Misa trying to bite off her tongue, the pretty steamy make-out session with L followed by a painfully embarrassing confession, Misa forgetting everything about being accused of being Kira 2, and Light confessing to being Kira. 

       Ori just needed to think. 

       "I'm-" her voice was ragged in her throat; she had to cough to clear it out. "I'm gonna go for a minute." Everyone, even L, seemed to understand she'd be gone for longer than a minute; none of them said anything. 

       As soon as she made it to her room, she made her way to the bathroom and stripped down. With each layer of clothing that was removed, that horrible tingly feeling on her shoulder got worse. She stepped under the water after turning it on and waiting for it to get hot, and almost cringed away from it as it pelted against her back. It was painful and Ori instantly wanted to turn the temperature down but she resisted. The water got rid of the tingling that was beginning to travel down the scar on her back.

       She thought back to the hallway with L. It played in her mind like a movie. The truth was, Ori didn't want to forget what happened. She wanted to hold onto it like a family heirloom. Why couldn't they just talk like mature adults? Every time they tried to talk to each other, they'd end up yelling, making out, or too engrossed in Kira to actually discuss their feelings for each other. 

       Ori loved L. She loved him so much it hurt to look at him. She guessed that would be obvious if not for the way she had talked to him earlier. She wanted to talk to him again, really talk and just try to sort everything out. Except as far as L knew, Ori's already sorted everything out. She told him she deserved better and he agreed. She told him it never happened, Ori still didn't know which event she was referring to, and left before he got a chance to speak.

       "I always told you I was selfish, Mom." She whispered under the roar of the showerhead. "Do you believe me now?" Vivian would be so ashamed if she saw her now. 

       What's the matter with you? I can't believe you're pushing away such a smart boy who clearly loves you? She'd say. If I was still your age, I would've jumped his bones a long time ago. Vivian would take her by the shoulders and shake the sense into her. 

       You'd better hope he's gracious enough to give you another chance, Honey, because I doubt that poor boy's heart can take anymore.

       "I know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Vivian would smile and hold her close like she hadn't just been trying to throttle Ori a second ago.

       You fight for him, Honey. You let him know that despite everything you've done, you still love him.

       "That's so cheesy." She laughed.

       It worked for your dad. I did some things to him that weren't very kind, but I put in the effort to change and he gave me another chance. He gave me as many chances as I needed to get it right.

       Ori didn't know if that was true. She didn't doubt it, everyone goes through something like that, but she wasn't entirely sure. It helped nonetheless in the sense that she knew what she needed to do. She didn't know if she'd actually be able to do it though.

       Her hair was tangled and beginning to grease. It felt really gross, so she slathered it with shampoo and conditioner until she didn't feel quite so gross anymore. 

       When she stepped out of the shower, she back was tender and bright red. She'd probably need to lotion it to soothe the burn. That didn't matter, though. She felt clean and only half as miserable as she felt before. She knew she needed to talk to L; she had this fear that he'd tell her how she's dragged him along. He'd tell her that he didn't want to be used like a toy until she got bored of him and tossed him out when she was bored. 

       She had pushed and pulled and held him close before shoving him away from her. How could L be okay with that? There's no way he would want that kind of confusion and heartbreak in his life on repeat.

       Towel wrapped around her, she stalked over to her closet and began yanking random clothes out and tossing them onto her bed. Jeans, under garments, tanktop, t-shirt, flannel shirt. 

       She was buttoning up her jeans when she heard a knock on her door. She groaned, hoping that if she ignored them, whoever was there would go away. Her tanktop was tucked into her jeans rubbing against her back, which hurt, but not wearing something to tuck into her jeans wasn't something Ori was about to do. She was picking up her shirt when the person knocked again. With an annoyed groan, she threw down her shirt and ripped the door open. She really should've known that L would be on the other side. 

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       Ori and L really gotta figure themselves out. They're hot and they're cold, they're yes and they're no. They're in and they're out, they're up and they're down. CHILL OUT!!
       Until next time... Doragon-Chan is Out!
       "Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."
       ― J.K. Rowling
       I wish I had found this quote when Ori was really coming to terms with Vivian's death. Since, y'know, she destroyed her room.