Vanilla's Poser Girl

Chapter 24

Leigh

It's been exactly two weeks. Two weeks na kaming hindi nag-uusap ni Vanilla. Iniiwasan nyang pag-usapan namin yung tungkol sa kung ano kami ngayon at kung paano na kami.

Magkasama pa din kami sa bahay. But things have drastically changed that night where I opened up to her. We are still sleeping together in one bed. Pero parang may harang ng pader sa pagitan namin.

She repulse my touch. She don't want to even get on my side of the bed. She hates me but she's still staying.

Para bang pinapamukha nya sakin na kahit nasasaktan na sya, she still choose to stay. Not because my presence is comforting her just like before. But because she still feels that she doesn't want to give us up yet.

Maybe all she needs is a space. The space thats both suffocating and comforting us.

Pero umaalis ito ng maaga. Minsan ay gabi na ito umuuwi. Yung tipong kahit anong tawag ko sa cellphone nya ay hinahayaan nya lang na naka-off. Kagaya ngayon. 11pm na pero wala pa sya ng bahay.

I hate what's she's doing. Masyado nya akong pinag-aalala. Gusto ko na din magalit sa kanya. Yung pilitin sya na magsalita. Yung awayin sya. Yung tipong mag-away na lang kami para makapag-usap kami.

Pero mas nagingibabaw yung pagmamahal ko sa kanya. If she's not yet ready to talk about it, hindi ba dapat hindi ko sya pilitin?

It's still my fault. I created Zero. I created the weapon that Carmi used to her. Against me.

Para ba maramdaman ko din yung sakit na naramdaman nya nung nawala yung kapatid nya? To finally understand that as much as I have the power to control people's emotions, that exact power can be also used against me.

So I could feel how to loved and to lost someone that's dearly meant the world to me.

To see how shattering an inconsiderate action can lead people to end their lives? Just like what I did to Alex?

I've created that method for the better not to be used in that way. Ginawa ko yun to save other people from their internal battles. Not to chain themselves there.

But Light and Zero program which I prided myself as my greatest achievement is also my greatest downfall.

How would you remind yourself the best of you when it's also the worst of you?

I'm losing Vanilla. But I still believe na kelangan ko lang magstay. Na kailangan ko syang hatakin. Because whether I like or not, I and Carmi is co-existing now in her. We have both completed the markings. And the idea came from me.

She's right. It's all my fault. Just mine. And I hate myself for hurting her this way.

"Hey, Gising ka pa?"

Bumukas yung pintuan ng unit namin at pumasok si Van.

Inabutan nya akong nakaupo dito sa sofa, patiently waiting for her return. Like the way I have been doing for the past two weeks.

Now everyone of our friends know the truth, and they were also in between. They don't know where to put their bets and which sides they should take.

Mahirap kasi pareho kaming kaibigan nila ni Vanilla. And I hurt Van. Van is also hurting me in the process. The exact reason why Alliston is trying to separate us. She's right. Vanilla and I are incompatible.

"Anong oras na, Van. Saan ka nanggaling? Why weren't you answering your phone?"

Natatawang ibinato nito sa sofa yung cellphone nito. Tapos ay hinubad lang yung coat.