Salient Secret

Introduction

There aren't enough words in the world for me to describe how much I absolutely despise being fussed over. It is the sole reason why I will do everything in my power to share the bare minimum about my...challenges. This isn't pride talking, this comes from a good place. People tend not to have the solutions to my kind of problems, so when I do complain, they scramble for a solution when we both know there isn't one. Why worry them in the first place?

Maybe that's my broken self talking.

My name is Avery Shaw, a junior at Welton High, 17 years old and an SCLC (small cell lung cancer) victim...no, I hate that word, let's go with patient.

I was diagnosed four years ago, and yes, I dare say I'm one of the few with this strain, that has not died... immediately. After we stopped chemotherapy about a year ago, Doctor Benson advised that commencing my funeral preparations and tying up any loose ends...you know, being proactive and all.

I've been on borrowed time since the day I was diagnosed.

It's also worth mentioning, that the only people who know I have cancer are my parents, my doctors, my best friend, Maya (and that's only because she was there the day I found out, if I had it my way, she'd never know), and of course my brother and sister. I have asked them all to keep their mouths shut about it; the last thing I need is people treating me differently because I have cancer. That's not how I'd want my remaining time to be handled.

I'm normal for the most part.

My story is not a story like Hazel Graces' from the Fault in Our Stars (my all-time favourite novel) I am by no means that special, and I certainly don't date because well... that's just cruel. I don't want to add anyone else to the list of people who will get caught in the crossfire. I can handle cancer but hurting the people I'm leaving behind...that's always been a hard pill to swallow for me.

I keep to myself for the most part. I'm anally private. Especially where school is concerned. My life is chaotic enough as is without people labelling me as cancer girl. Kids can be assholes. Who knows what else would have happened if they'd known all this time.

My brother, Jason, is the only person who never makes a fuss over me; he never makes me feel like I'm anything other than a normal girl, whatever that is. There are times where I feel like he is the only person who truly understands me. I honestly have no idea how he will react once I'm gone. If the roles were reversed I don't think I would survive his loss.  

On the other hand, my baby sister, Chloe, is the emotional type, she's only 12 but I know it will crush her. No one looks up to me the way she does, and I love her for that. I never let myself think about the fact that I'm not going to see her grow up. That realisation has always been more than I could handle.

My parents, Lucinda Shaw and Bryson Hilton, unmarried, but head over heels in love, they make me wish I had the chance to meet someone who will love me the way they love each other. They've given me everything I've ever needed. We're a middle-class family and they spend most of their hard earned money on my treatments. We had to make some serious cutbacks when the first hospital bill came through. And although they'd never admit it, I know it's not easy for them to swing.

And truth be told, sometimes I think that they're throwing money into a burning fire...because let's be honest, I'm dying no matter what they pay for.