Salient Secret

Chapter 59

Jim Morrison once said, 

"No one gets out alive."

Sometimes we lose the people we love and there is nothing we can do about it. 

It hurts in places you didn't know you had. 

You will feel your heart shatter into a million different pieces, 

and it will feel like you can never be whole again. 

I can tell you... that you won't.

You will never be whole again. 

You're not supposed to be whole, 

if you're whole, there's no room for anything else. 

We were born as a piece of our lives,  

the people we meet,

the adventures we go on, 

the feelings we feel, 

make your life whole.

When we lose someone we love,

it does not make your life meaningless, 

it gives your life purpose. 

We live to love. 

Love doesn't fade beyond the grave, 

it only grows, 

and it makes us stronger. 

So go ahead, 

fall apart, 

break, 

shatter...

it just means there's more space for beautiful things in your life.

Kai's pov

Bullshit. 

Have you ever had broken ribs? Well that is what having a broken heart is like...no one can see it, but it hurts, 

every

single

time

you

breathe. 

No matter how many beautiful things that come your way, your pain and suffering will always be there haunting you. 

It's been two weeks since Avery passed on. 

How did life get so crazy?

Here I am, sitting at my dead girlfriends funeral, listening to the priest trying to explain why this is a good thing. It's not. 

I can't be even mad at what happened because Lorenzo did it to save Palmer and I. If he didn't do what we did, the lightning would have killed us.

The first few days all I felt was pain, the next was anger... at Salutis. 

But now, I've run out of emotions to feel. I'm just numb. 

"Hello Kai, we're having a gathering at our house after this,  you are more than welcome to join us."

"Thank you Lucinda. I'll be there," I say with the best smile I can give.

I couldn't possibly turn her down, Salutis made this all look like an accident. They told her parents that she was in a car crash and the car went up in flames and she burned to death. 

If Viola Vesper didn't die in that explosion I probably would have killed her with my bare hands. Fortunately for her, she died a death that was far too kind for her. 

*****

The idea that she will never be stepping foot in this house ever again because I couldn't save her makes my heart ache tenfold. 

"Kai come in," I didn't even realize I pressed the doorbell. 

"These are for you," I got her sunflowers in memory of Avery...the first flowers I ever got for her. 

When I walk inside, everyone is sitting in the living room with a glass of champagne in their hands. 

"I remember when Avery first asked me to play with make up, she was so proud of what she did, I told her she looked beautiful, even if she looked like a clown slash prostitute," everyone raises their glass and takes a sip, while laughing at that story. 

"When we were 11, Avery once told me that the neighbors dog looked sad. I thought she was joking, but the next time I came over, she was standing on a ladder, hanging over the fence and feeding the dog treats. She told me she was making the dog happy," again, everyone raises their  glass, takes a sip and laughs at the story. 

"As Avery's older brother, I always thought it would be me who protected her. One day she found out that these boys at school were bullying me. So,  she went to these boys at lunch, and distracted them while her friends snuck up behind them and  gave them wedgies. She got someone to take picture and told them that if they ever bullied me again then she would post them." 

I don't know what it is about them laughing but it just pushes all the wrong buttons and I just can't be around this. I put my glass down and start walking out...but a thought crosses my mind. To say goodbye to Avery. Where? In her room. I walk up the stairs and open her door. It's so neat compared to the first time I walked in here. She was so mad at me for coming so early, and then when I took the picture she just got more mad. It was so funny. She chased me around with a toothbrush.

I walk to her nightstand and pick up the picture of us on it, it's one of us from the hospital. The day we did the clothing swap thing. She was laughing so hard, well who wouldn't laugh at their boyfriend wearing shorts and a crop top.  It was a tight squeeze, when I told I'm gonna stretch it she told me it was worth it. Tears start trailing down my face, I open the drawer and look for tissues, but there's none. 

However there is a plastic folder with letters inside, like actual letters addressed to people, in envelopes and everything, there's USBs and pamphlets. What is this ?

 I pull out the letters, #1 Dad, Momma bear, Mini me... I'm guessing that's for Chloe, Jason, best friend, Palmer... Kai.