Two Murderers (Jeff the Killer x Reader)

NOPE!

[Jeff's POV]

"But I wanna cook!" Sally whined. We were in the kitchen, and I was making mac and cheese for her.

"When you get older," I repeated for the tenth time.

"I turn nine in a week! Then I'll be older!"

"I never  want kids..." I mumbled, lying to myself. I generally hated kids, but Sally was an exception...

And my own kids, when (Y/N) and I ever have one. Just one. No more. I don't think I could handle more than that.

(Y/N) was nowhere in the mansion. 

When I woke up earlier, there was a note on the bed. It said something about her going out to our little clearing in the woods, and to meet her there when I could. That she'd be waiting.

Now, I had no idea what she was waiting for. Did I do something wrong? Was she gonna break up with me? Or, on the contrary, did I do something right? Was I about to get laid?

I was so confused.

"Hey, Jeff!" I heard a glitchy voice call from behind me.

"What is it, elf boy?" I teased, turning to face him.

I could feel his wrath radiating off of him.

I couldn't care less about him and his shit. That fucker kept trying to steal my girl, and she's mine only! 

"I was just wondering if you could pass me some peanut butter... jeez."

"For what?"

"For me to eat, dumbass!"

"BEN, watch your language around Sally!" Slendy reprimanded. He was in his office, probably trying to figure out what missions to give to who.

"Fine."

"Can I cook when I turn nine?" Sally pleaded, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Not unless Slendy says so. He's the boss around here."

"Jeffery Allen Woods! I swear if I hear you call me Slendy one more time--"

"What're you gonna do? Kill me?" I taunted.

"Yes, actually. I have the ability to do that."

I made Sally let go and stomped up to Slendy's office.

I shoved the door open.

Whew, boy, do I wish I could bleach my eyes.

What I saw still haunts me to this day.

Let me tell you. I didn't know Slendy even had a schlong. I had never seen it, and frankly never wanted to.

But, boy oh boy, did I see what I wish I hadn't.

I saw Slendy jackin' it.

To porn.

But not just any porn.

Gay porn.

I honestly had no idea he was even remotely gay.

Like, not a clue.

We just looked at each other for a good minute. His tentacles were frozen in place.

Sally came running up to me. In an effort to keep her from seeing that monstrously huge cock, I covered her eyes and spun her around.

"Jeffy! What are you doing!" she whined. She had no idea. Thank the gods.

Oh, fuck, what do I say?