Love in the Cold Wind

12

Chapter 12: FORGET

Maaga ang alis ko pabalik ng Pilipinas. Nakahanda na ang aking maleta pero nahihirapan pa akong umalis. Para sa akin ay mas naging totoo ako rito sa ibang bansa at sa harap ng ibang tao pero rito rin ako nasaktan ng lubusan. Gusto kong kalimutan lahat ng nangyari sa akin dito.

Pagbalik ko muli sa Pilipinas ay magpapanggap na naman akong ayos lang ang lahat. I need to focus in my fourth year. This is the only way to make them proud.

Sinabihan ako ni Caleb na ihahatid niya ako sa airport. Hintayin ko lamang daw siya dahil may aasikasuhin siya. Sumang-ayon naman ako sa kanya at naghintay na lamang.

Ngunit hindi ako naghintay sa loob ng kwarto. Kinuha ko ang maleta at saka bumaba sa lobby. Doon ko na lamang siya hihintayin.

Hindi ko pa rin binubuksan ang aking cellphone. Napakarami nang tumatakbo sa aking isipan. Ayokong dagdagan pa ito.

“Miss, can I sit here?”

Napalingon ako sa pamilyar na babae. A pregnant woman. She’s skinny and she's also a Filipina. She’s tall and has a long curvy black hair. Her rounded eyes made her face angelic. She has a pointed nose and thin lips. She looked like a model.

I smiled bitterly at my thought. My mother is also beautiful like her. I also think that she’s at her mid 40s. Anong lamang niya kay Mama?

“Sure,” I said and looked away.

I have no plans to talk with her. Baka malaman niya pang anak ako ni Papa. Maybe she doesn’t know that the father of her child is married and has a family in the Philippines.

“Are you a Filipina?”

Napapikit muna ako at saka bumaling sa kanya. Nahalata niyang nainis ako sa tanong niya kaya umiwas siya ng tingin sa akin. I feel guilty.

This is why I hate myself, I'm too kind to everyone even to those who hurt me. I wish I can hurt them like how they hurted me.

Yes, I hate her for being my father’s mistress. But does she know in herself that she’s a mistress?

“Yeah, Fil-Am,” I hesitated a bit.

She nodded and gave me a smile. “Nice. How’s the Philippines?”

Hindi ba uso sa kanya ang internet? Philippines is always on the news! Whether it’s a bad or a good one.

“Still the same Philippines. Have you been there?”

“Yes, I used to live there before but I settled here in Singapore. Philippines is not good for my baby,” she answered.

Napatingin naman ako sa tiyan niya. I think she’s almost due. Hindi pa naman siguro delikado ang pagbubuntis niya sa kanyang edad. She looked so young with her age.

“A-are you married?”

My heart fell apart when she nodded. I can’t believed that she nodded.

“Yeah. My husband is an engineer based here in Singapore.”

I looked away from her. I can’t look at her right now. My tears started falling again but I wiped it. I want to know more. I want to hear more even if it hurts so bad.

“When did you get married?” I asked without even looking at her. My heart is beating extra faster. I can't calm myself right now.