Love in the Cold Wind

26

Chapter 26: LONELY

Unti-unti ko nang tinatanggap na wasak na talaga ang pamilya namin. Hindi na kami babalik sa dati. Masakit man pero kailangang tanggapin.

"It hurts," I told Dr. Alonzo.

Tahimik lamang siya na nakikinig sa akin. Ikalawang bisita ko ito sa kanya sa buwan na ito.

"But after knowing the reasons behind my pain, I'm slowly accepting the reality."

"What reality?"

"That life is really meant to hurt you."

Napagtanto ko na lahat ng tao'y dumadaan sa sakit. Hindi natin ito nahahalata dahil abala tayo sa kanya-kanya nating buhay.

My mind was occupied for not seeing my Mother's pain. I was too busy for not noticing Letisha's pain. We all have different struggles but it will only take us a minute to look at them and ask them if they're fine.

"And I'm too weak to face it before," I added.

"What about now? Are you strong enough to face this harsh reality?"

Napaisip muna ako bago sumagot. "I'll be strong."

He shifted to the other side. "The weakest people make themselves believe that they're strong, when they're not."

"Kung ganon, anong gagawin ko?"

"Just be you. There's no need to make yourself believe that you're strong or not. Even the strongest people crumbles," he seriously said.

Lutang ako nang makalabas sa kanyang office. Pinag-iisipang mabuti ang kanyang sinabi. Pretending to be strong will never solve my problem. It will only cause you an illusion in a battlefield. You're still fighting when it's time to admit that you're not strong enough to face it.

Kinimkim ko lahat ng lungkot, hinanakit at galit. Nagbabakasakaling isang araw ay mawawala iyon. Sa halip na humingi ako ng tulong at bumigay, mas hinayaan ko lang na tanggapin ang bawat bala ng masaklap na katotohanan.

And when I couldn't handle everything, I gave up immediately.

Kung hinarap ko lang sana ang mga  pagdududa nila laban kay Adrian, hindi sana ako nasaktan ng sobra. Kung nagalit sana agad ako sa mga taong mataas ang  expectations sa akin. Kung pinaintindi ko sana sa lahat na tao lang din ako, baka hindi ako nahihirapan ngayon.

"Hey, you're spacing out."

My eyes widened when I saw Caleb standing outside the hospital. He's wearing a grey polo shirt and dark blue jeans. Nakasuot din siya ng itim na sumbrelo. He looks younger whenever he's not wearing a formal outfit.

"What are you doing here?" salubong ko sa kanya.

Nilinga niya ang mga taong dumadaan. Mukha siyang celebrity na tumakas sa shooting. His deep set eyes made him more good looking.

"Just checking on you."

I scoffed. "You should've told me, Caleb."

Ngumisi lang siya at nag-offer na buhatin ang bag ko. But I told him that it's fine. Lumakad na kami papuntang parking lot kung saan nandoon ang kotse niya.

"You're still commuting?" tanong niya sa akin.

I bit my lower lip and nodded. I still can't drive. But soon, I'll try again.