Stop. Just... Stop. (RANT BOOK)

Death

I have this weird feeling, and I call it weird because it only happens at certain times. I kinda call it my sixth sense, but generally people like their sixth senses whereas mine is hell. What happens is I'll get this anxious feeling, which isn't too uncommon, but I'll get it full blown and bad around noon to four and then it'll settle down and just sit there for the rest of the day, being mild anxiety. It'll be mild anxiety right up until something bad happens.

I had this feeling before my mother had two car accidents -two different occasions-, my brother got hit by a truck, the night before my dog died, and before my friend told me she self-harmed. It went through a dormancy period of about two years, before it struck again last night.

I was watching House -like usual- and my parents are out -like usual on Fridays- and my brother comes downstairs and is pacing around and checking him phone very three seconds. I figured I was getting the anxious feeling from his body language.

My parents come home about 10 minutes later and my mom goes "why do you need to go to -my brother's friends' name that I can't spell here-'s house?" And I'm sitting here confused like tf is going on. And then my brother goes "Jayden's dead."

Heart=dropped. Jayden was one of my brother's very few friends. My brother isn't a bad guy -and he's not the one I mentioned in I'm Not You, I have 2 brothers- he just doesn't like people.

So, it turns out Jayden died right before Christmas, and he was only 18, not even out of highschool yet. And god, that must've been a complete nightmare for his parents.

And it was horrid way for him to die, too. He was at a party for people 21 and older, and he was barely 18, so they kicked him out. He was running from someone, presumably the police bc the people didn't want him there so they called the police on him. and he was on the 8th floor of an apartment building. He goes out the fire escape and goes over the railing. He died in the ambulance.

And honestly, I'd only met him once, but my brother was really close to him and just the story itself was enough to kill me.

It's one of those nightmares that no one wants to think about.

Idk why I shared this with you guys.

I've had a pretty bad week, and this happened and Idk. That's why I haven't been on much.

*sighs* Rest in peace Jayden.