Forfeiture

The snap

Tony was tired from all the fun things he and Stephen had been doing that day at the beach house, so he fell asleep in their room. But it wasn't peaceful, no, he was having nightmares about the time in Afghanistan, and he woke up with a scream, drenched in sweat. He realized he was shivering and he hugged himself, looking around wildly to make sure he wasn't in the cave again.

Just a dream... But once upon a time, it hadn't been a dream... he had really gone through all that... He sobbed and covered his face, feeling so dirty all of a sudden.

Stephen had a cup of a coffee for Tony when he woke up and stepped inside their room. "Anthony are you- Oh Anthony" he said with worry and put down the mug and quickly went to the mechanics side, holding him close. "I'm here now...it's okay.." Strange stroked the brunette's hair.

Tony wretched cries were making it harder for him to focus on breathing, and he choked occasionally. "M-My fault..." he said almost incoherently as he continued to tremble violently from all the PTSD and trauma he felt. "A-All m-mine...."

"Anthony, Anthony please. It's okay.." Stephen held Tony closer and rubbed his back, feeling worried for his fiance. It scared him to see the mechanic this way. "I'm here...I love you so much, everything's okay.." Strange kissed the top of his head.

But it was as if Tony couldn't hear anything he was saying, he could see Ho Yinsen dying right in front of him... all the chaos and destruction as he made his escape in the armor... the screams... the gunshots... all of it was still terrifying him to this day. He pushed Stephen away from him and stumbled out of the bed, feeling so scared and vulnerable all of a sudden.

"Anthony don't be scared it's just me.." Stephen floated next to the mechanic. He reached his shaking hand so he could hold Tony's hand. Maybe even kiss the brunette's forehead. "You're safe here Remember? I love you and-"

"STOP!" Tony threw out a hand to hold it out in a protective sort of way, causing the sorcerer to falter in his attempts to comfort the brunette. He panted and tried to stay in the present, but echoes from the past were clouding his mind and it was hard to stay on the surface. "Just... stop... please...."

Stephen blinked a couple of times, startled by the action. But figured it was his fault for getting to close, even though he just wanted to help Tony. "Okay..". Strange of course wasn't going to leave but just stepped a few steps back away from the mechanic. Seeing if personal space was of enough help.

Tony slowly lowered his hand and closed his eyes for a moment, each deep breath he took bringing more painful memories back to him. The pain that he had inflicted on others with his technology... people dying because of his utter carelessness... "My fault..." he mumbled and felt his heart rate going back down to normal and he sighed shakily. "S-Sorry... just... not too stable right now..."

"It's okay Anthony..." Stephen took some steps forward but paused remembering that he shouldn't be so close and hesitantly stepped back again. "I understand.." he wanted no more than to hold Tony and tell him that's here for him but perhaps not now.

Tony's panting became slow and deep now, calming down somewhat as he tried to focus on the present still. "No, you don't... you don't understand anything..." Tony tried to swallow the lump in his throat, but it was becoming more difficult. "Let me ask you something I've been wondering for quite a while now: why me? How could you love something so broken and wasted when you're better off with someone, ANYone else..."

Stephen sighed and looked down. "Don't think for a second that everything about me is perfect..." He looked at his shaking hands, at times having flashbacks himself about his accident but chose never to mention it. "I've been broken too..." Strange looked up again at Tony. "I looked past the things you think is wrong about you and see that there is something beautiful but not just underneath. Inside and out your the most perfect person to me..." Then the sorcerer looked to the side, at the ground. "I understand the feeling to be scared and scarred. To think at the certain moment when it began that you could most likely die. To remember everything on how life was before that moment. How trashy you were to people. Especially to those who stood by you through everything..." He quickly wiped away a couple of tears that came out from his eyes. "So don't think that I don't understand.."