Forfeiture

try to fix you

Tony was starting to fall back into old habits, such as not sleeping, and he was having frequent anxiety attacks, but he was doing his very best to hide all this misery from Stephen, seeing as he was so happy to just have Tony back, trying to show him how much he loved him every time they were together. Tony had been lying awake next to a sleeping Stephen for hours, and finally gave up, going to the kitchen where he sat down at the counter with one light on, holding his helmet in his hands, feeling disgusted in himself.

After some seconds of Tony leaving Stephen had stirred in his sleep. He reached out to look for Tony's hand but felt the spot was empty. "Anthony?" The sorcerer sat up and looked around the room, the mechanic not being anywhere in the room. Strange got out of bed and walked out of the room, soon seeing the partly lit kitchen. "Anthony? What're you doing out of bed honey..." He walked closer to the brunette

Tony was feeling his chest constricting rapidly and he choked under his breath, thankfully going unnoticed by his newfound boyfriend, since he didn't exactly know where they were in their relationship, doubting that they were anywhere near his fiance anymore. He set the helmet down more harshly than he would've liked and didn't look at him. "Just... thirsty... you can go back to sleep, d-don't worry about it..."

Stephen flinched slightly at the way Tony had put down his helmet. "I can't go back to bed without you.." Strange went closer to the mechanic and wrapped his arms around the brunette from behind. "I wanna make sure you're alright too.."he leaned his head on Tony's shoulder.

Tony flinched and sighed, rubbing his eyes exhaustively then shifted in his arms and turned around to gaze up at Stephen, feeling bad for keeping him up; to be honest there were a lot of things to feel bad about right now... "It's just... I... I can't sleep. I-I'm sorry... I'm just... so terrified that I'm gonna suddenly turn again and hurt you..." he felt tears prick his eyes and they glistened in the light blue haze the reactor in his chest illuminated between them.

Stephen frowned slightly and reached with shaky hands to cup both of Tony's cheeks, wiping the tears away with his thumbs. "I highly doubt you'd turn again....I love you with all my heart Anthony and I know you're a strong man. You can't get through it...and of course I'll be there to hold your hand as we walk the path together.." Strange kissed the brunette's forehead. 

Tony sniffled and leaned his head against his chest, letting him stroke through his hair for a quiet moment. It wasn't awkward at all, but Tony really just tried to focus on his breathing as the darkness of the house made it easy to replay snippets from the past, making him just want to... to die for feeling like he might deserve someone at all after all he's done. I guess the cliffs will always be an option... he thought bitterly. "You might have to carry me, Stephen... I just don't know how to get back up on my feet now, or maybe ever..."

"That's okay my sweet Anthony.." Stephen lifted Tony and carried him in bridal style. "I'll always be there to raise you up.." he kissed the mechanic's cheek and walked back to the bedroom where he laid the brunette in bed. Strange got on the bed and laid next to his boyfriend. "I'll be awake to make sure you sleep peacefully.." 

How could Stephen just do this to himself? Why was he still even bothering with this sad excuse of a relationship any longer? Just be honest, it's not like there's any more room for the hurting anymore... "Stephen... I have anxiety," he confessed as if he was saying he was guilty of a crime- which technically he was with the whole new york thing. "I-I am literally, physically unable to sleep at night or at all... just rest, okay? I'll be fine..."

"Oh Anthony..." Stephen looked at him sadly. "Why didn't you tell me..?" He pulled Tony close and held him. "Just relax okay? I think I've had plenty of rest. I wouldn't want you to feel alone if I sleep.." Strange rubbed the mechanics back. "I'm staying up with you.." 

"But... but that's not fair!" Tony pulled away from him and sat up, not having any of this. "Stephen you're throwing your own life away for me, and for what? I'm broken, I'm trash, just a washed up piece of worthless sh*t and now you're giving up proper sleeping habits too? You don't owe anything to me, Stephen, so please... just... sleep, okay?..."

Stephen sat up as well and looked at Tony with seriousness this time. "Just because your broken Anthony doesn't mean I'm just gonna throw you away. To me you are worth fixing, you are worth the love and I'm definitely not ever going to give up on you..." He reached and cupped the brunette's cheek. "I love you Anthony and I'm not gonna leave you after everything we've been through..."

Tony couldn't help but lean in close and press their foreheads together gently, closing his eyes as he felt his closeness and wished he could be better for him. All these imperfections and problems wouldn't be an easy fix for the doctor. "You are the stupidest person I have ever met, Stephen Strange..." he murmured and opened his bambi eyes again, the blue from the reactor reflecting in them and illuminating their features, as he gazed at Stephen. "But... it's hard not to say that I really do love you, for everything you are..."

Stephen smiled softly and kissed the brunette's forehead. "My love will always be with you and never anyone else..." He looked back into Tony's eyes. "No matter what..." Strange closed his eyes as he placed his forehead on the mechanics. "you will always have my heart..."

"And you'll always have mine, no matter how much I doubt myself..." Tony whispered and snuggled closer to him, his anxiety calming somewhat so that he could relax and just feel like something important to someone. It sounded more selfish in his head, but right now he didn't care much. "Call me yours Stephen, forever..." He said that last part hesitantly, wondering what it meant to him now, hoping that maybe he would get a second chance at marriage someday.

"The moment you first said I love you is when I already knew that I'd be yours forever.." Stephen held Tony close. "And ever, always..." He sighed happily. "Love of my life.." strange whispered

Tony felt something prick his eyes again and he buried his face against his chest, holding onto the sorcerer like his life depended on him- which it basically did. "Never can thank you enough..."