Don't Save Me | BTS FF • 21+ ✓

Author's Note

Sunday, June 28, 2020 at 1:05 AM - 5:40 AM. Revised Monday, June 29, 2020 at 11:05 AM.

It's been two years since I finished this book. It's weird seeing how much I've changed in two years. When I first started this book I was just a naive, immature, and confused fifteen year old girl beginning her second semester of freshman year. I'm now eighteen years old and graduated from high school on June 6th.

Looking back to my freshman year I was just a girl who decided to experiment with anything I could find. During this year, I realized that I was sex repulsed and indifferent to romance. At the time I didn't understand why I felt that way and pushed those feelings away, thinking something was wrong with me. Turns out I'm asexual (+panromantic) and I'm fucking proud of myself for actually figuring out who I am. Took me fours years but better late than never.

God, I faked so many of my emotions during my middle school years and early years of high school. I just went along with what appeared in front of me and didn't bat an eye when it went away. My family and BTS were the only things in my life that made me actually feel something. They are and will always be the most important people in my life. They helped me shape myself into who I am today. In a few years I'll most likely find more of myself and hopefully keep changing in a good way.

Now let's talk about this book called Don't Save Me, my very first fanfiction. It's a mess but I'm also proud of it since it's the first book I've ever put out into the world of Wattpad. There's so many grammar mistakes. *glares at the misspelled nod*. The writing style! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I MAKE PARAGRAPHS!! WHY DID I LEAVE IT AS A WHOLE ASS CHUNK OF TEXT!!? Also I wrote oppa the fucking word oppa!!! *Gags* That bloody word has never fallen from my skinny ass lips but at the time I had been reading 2016-2017 BTS fanfics.

Y'all know Wattpad was filled with them Y/n bully love stories, cheating partner stories *glances at my other book*, mafia stories (honestly some were actually good mostly the BTS ship ones), suicidal and rape stories (guilty! Just look at what you read), vampire/werewolves/hybrids & etc stories *looks at the book that's on hold*. Oh! We can't forget about them 8th member stories! Those were the highlight of that year. And IU + Blackpink members were always written as the jealous, mean, or bitchy characters. Plus at that time people called Jin the "eomma" of the group or princess.

Yoongi was seen as the cold hearted emotionless member of the group. RM was Rap Monster plus named one of the ugliest members (¿bitch where?). Jimin was being body shamed and sexualized if I remember correctly. Hoseok was also seen as an ugly member of the group (again ¿bitch where?) and called horse (like why the fuck and who the fuck started that!?) Then Jungkook, I mostly remember that the majority of the fans constantly called him oppa even if they weren't from Korea/spoke Korean or older than him. I'm sure there was worse but I can't remember.

Like 2016-2017 + a bit of 2018 on Wattpad was a hot mess. You can clearly see how all that ^^^ shaped this story. I had been reading many bts fanfics of Y/n being bullied by the members, doing self harm, depreseed, commiting suicide, raped  and etcetera. I think I had also just finished reading Whisper To Me by some author whose name I've forgotten. One day it just gave me an idea for my own story.

I wanted to show people that there's many human beings out there who seem happy on the outside but in the inside they have this voice nagging them 24/7. They hide their scars and their pain not wanting anyone around them to see them as a broken human being. They hide the pain they feel behind a fake smile whenever someone tells them hurtful words and shames them for who they are, how they look like, or for how much they talk. They feel numb when taking the pills that are supposed to help them. Some family members and friends won't believe you when you tell them that you have depression. They'll call it a phase or tell you to get over it.