Brotherly Love (BTS X READER) *Book 1*

Confused Revelations

     Jimin wasn't sure how to act.

     As soon as your car had pulled up earlier in the day, he had the intense urge to go over to you and see what you were doing. He wanted to ask how school had been, how it had been at home, how your holidays were, and yet at the same time he had no clue how he would do that. Jimin had yet to figure out how to talk to people, let alone you. As if he didn't have enough trouble talking anyways, after the whole "I love you" thing he was left unsure of how to engage you without seeming weird or creepy. Weirdly enough, he used to be decently comfortable talking to you, he just never felt the need to say much, but recently he was constantly facing the internal conflict of how to act around you, how to become more comfortable, how to rediscover himself, and to add on to all of that, there was always those peculiar feelings that liked to lurk about. The feelings that he couldn't explain, and in turn made him do things that he couldn't explain. For example, telling you he loved you. He still could not understand what had come over him that day, why he was so angry about what Taehyung was saying, why he did what he did at all. It was all a blur. His memory of it was hazy, and the only thing that presented itself clearly to him was that horrible, confusing feeling that liked to overtake his brain. It was like he had a parasite, the type that could take control of his mind at any time and make him do things against his will. Jimin so desperately wanted to know what was wrong with him, why he felt that way, what you had done to cause him to have those feelings. However, he could never focus on it when you were around. He couldn't think of the questions to ask, or the words to describe it in efforts that maybe you could help him understand. Instead, when you were around, none of that mattered. For some reason, all that mattered to him was you.

     He couldn't help it, but when you were around, all he could seem to do was hopelessly fantasize about the conversations you could have, and the games you could play, all the fun you could have together. Meanwhile, all he actually did was watch as you went about your day, as you did those things with Taehyung and Jungkook, or helped Jin in the kitchen, or cried about web dramas with Yoongi. And just at that moment, he watched as you had a very meaningful and intelligent conversation with none other than Kim Namjoon. As in, the Kim Namjoon that yelled at you, insulted you, locked you in closets, and borderline physically harmed you on multiple occasions. Jimin had never done that to you, nor would he ever, and yet, there was still such a stiff boundary between the two of you. Oh, how watching your cute little bonding moment stung.

     Initially, he had went back out to the rectangle room in hopes that perhaps he would catch you for a quick conversation or something of the sort before you headed off to your room to talk to Jungkook, like always. As a matter of fact, he was actually hoping that maybe he could bring himself to say sorry for the incident over the phone a while back. However, he was instead met by the sight of you sneaking about in the opposite hallway, and then being caught by Namjoon, and everything that happened after that. He witnessed the entire conversation, and was left with conflicting feelings. Part of him was excited for you, as it seemed that you had finally managed to make some real progress with Namjoon, who he had come to find out that you were struggling with. He was happy for you for coming so far, despite having not even known about your plans for very long. However, there was another part of him that felt the complete opposite of excitement. The other part of him felt that frustrating burn that he had grown accustomed to reappearing in his mind, and he couldn't help but clench his fists as he watched. Something deep inside of him was angered by the sight of you interacting seemingly so smoothly with someone who anyone would have guessed was your worst enemy. Jimin almost felt offended. He was on your side, he was your friend, at least that was what was decided that night on the roof, and yet for some reason even just minor communication was so difficult. Realistically, he knew that it was his own fault that you two didn't talk much, as he was far from being a good conversationalist in his current state, but being so blinded by emotions, he couldn't bring himself to think about the logic of it all.