❝and when i say i'm in love with you,❞ a long pause lays between his words, so much emotion lacing throughout his eyes, ❝i fucking mean it.❞
-⚘ in which i had a smut book with 400k reads and it got deleted. now, i'm writing new, original chapters (l...
45: LOVE ON THE TELEPHONE by: tempestbreak (ao3) r+e
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"So... what are you wearing?"
"You've got to be kidding me."
It's a Thursday night, just barely nine o'clock in Los Angeles, and Richie has been on tour for twenty-four hours. Eddie is alone in Richie's condo, which is quickly becoming their condo, as Eddie's things are gradually moved and unpacked on the weeks his work sends him to the Los Angeles office. Actually, he thinks, he should work on unpacking once he finishes prepping his meals for the next four days.
Richie laughs on the phone, delighted by Eddie's deadpan dismay. "I'm only kidding if you're offended."
"I'm not offended," says Eddie into the microphone of his earbuds as he measures out one-half tablespoon of olive oil per chicken breast and coats them. "I'm just confused."
"It's a pretty straightforward question."
"Yeah, but it's the, like, comedy phone sex question," Eddie says, rinsing his hands before reaching for the salt and pepper, "and phone sex isn't a real thing."
Richie is quiet. "What do you mean, phone sex isn't a real thing?"
"I mean," Eddie goes on, sprinkling some salt and pepper, "it's something that they made up for, like, sitcoms and shit but no one actually does it in real life. Like all your friends living in the same midtown Manhattan apartment building, or having sex standing up."
Richie sputters out a high-pitched giggle. "Eds, man," he laughs, "I mean, I'll give it to you on the apartment thing, and we might have to circle back to standing-up sex, although in my experience it's overrated, but... phone sex is absolutely, one thousand percent, a real thing."
Eddie snorts in disbelief.
"It is! Why do you think they invented phones in the first place? Haven't you seen that picture of the guy talking into the very first telephone? Looks like a big ol' dick."
Rolling his eyes, Eddie laughs. "All right, then, I'm willing to be convinced," he says, utterly skeptical. "Phone sex me."
"It would be my pleasure, Edward," Richie says, smiling. "I ask again: What are you wearing?"
Eddie looks down at his getup. "I'm wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants," he says.
"Ooh, yeah."
"And oven mitts."
"Is that because you're too hot to handle?"
Eddie rolls his eyes but can't contain a snort. "No, but the chicken will be in forty-five minutes."
"Hmm." Richie's voice suggests he is taking whatever he can get. "So you've got some hot meat in your hands, is what you're saying."
