If Money Could Buy Love (BTS NamjoonxOC) [Forced Marriage AU]

Chapter 19

》Iseul's POV 

A week later...

This week has been torture. Since I talked to Jimin I have done as he had told me to: follow my heart and make a mental chart.

Making a chart with Namjoon's and Taehyung's qualities isn't too hard, but following my heart is a tough job. Why? Because I never follow my heart. It all comes from following logic, my brain, that's all. It makes me feel like a robot. I do things by logic and not by my heart. The only thing I have ever done by heart is choosing my career path. Ever since I was a kid following orders, choosing what was logical, doing as told was all I lived for. I became my parents' perfect daughter. All of what I did to satisfy them shattered the moment I wanted to follow my dreams. The moment I chose my heart over my mind. 

Yes I chose Dahyun and Taehyung as friends, that was my heart choice. I married Namjoon that was my mind choice. 

I am afraid to follow my heart once again. My heart is tattered and broken, I'm afraid it will turn to dust if I follow it. 

I liked Taehyung, I really did, I still think I do. 3 years. 3 years of friendship, 3 years of an undying crush. Taehyung was the first guy to get close to me and not run away because I was too smart. He lend me a helping hand and he has been there for me ever since the first day. I was too young to enter college, but my IQ said the opposite. Taehyung being older protected me from perverts and people who would only want to use me for my intelligence. He and Dahyun were always by my side. It has been like that for 3 years. I liked Taehyung the very moment he stayed by my side. He was like a knight in shining armour. I am afraid to lose him. I am afraid of following my heart when logic tells me he is the only one that has been there for me. I am afraid of hurting him. Should I follow logic?

A few weeks ago, I started to realize I like
Namjoon. Why waste 3 years with a few weeks of a forced marriage?

But then I am also afraid on not following my heart. My heart wants to take the chance even if I fail and lose everything. Namjoon does things that no one has done for me, not even Taehyung. I feel a strange connection to Namjoon, in a very emotional way. Namjoon's smile drives me crazy, his eyes are like traps, I can't find a way out of them. When we are sleeping next to each other at night I feel safe, I feel like if I close my eyes nothing bad will ever happen to me. When he teases me and he laughs is such a beautiful sound despite the goofiness in it. He sits down and listens to me ramble on about anything at all, and he finds it all interesting. When I'm around him, I see a new story unfold. Should I follow my heart? 

As soon as I wake up in the morning I find the spot next to me empty. Namjoon must be working like he always is. 

I get out of bed and get dressed. I wear some shorts with a simple baby pink tee. I put my hair back in a small ponytail, I have to cut it a bit more; I like to keep it short. I put on my glasses and look at myself in the mirror. I give myself a speech on how I must study. This is my last week, we have finals. Though I pretty much know everything that is to come, I still want to review and make sure I have nothing else to study. Even gifted children like me must study hard.