Frozen Fire

Chapter 39

Chapter 39

Sacrifices

Hindi ako nakatulog.

Wala akong ginawa kagabi kung hindi ang umiyak. I have not cried this much in my entire existence. I have never been this vulnerable. The last time I ever cried was probably when I was in elementary, when the kids at school still bullied me. When I got out of that phase, I built walls around me and froze my heart. 

Ayoko nang makaramdam ng sakit. 

But unfortunately, in life, pain is inevitable. 

I have not heard from my mom since last night and I am dying of worry and guilt.

Napatulala nalang ako habang nakahiga. My eyes felt heavy and body feels too weak for me to even stand up.

Tanghali na ngunit wala ako sa huwisyo upang gumalaw. Tila tinakasan na ako ng lakas na gumawa ng kahit ano. All I could think about is my dad's condition.

I can't help but blame myself for what has happened. Hindi sana aatakihin ang aking ama kung hindi ko binalak na maglayas.

Hindi naman ako seryoso sa sinabing kong makikipagtanan ako kay Phoenix. I just wanted to be alone. My rage was through the roof last night. I needed to breath and to be away from them.

Napatingin ako sa bedside table ko nang biglang magring ang aking cellphone. I heaved a long sigh and unlocked my phone.

43 missed calls and 82 text messages.

My phone has been ringing since last night dahil tawag ng tawag sa akin si Phoenix. He also texted me a lot of times asking if everything was alright at kung bakit hindi ako nagsasalita at nagrereply.

I wanted to call him back and tell him everything but I felt like I would be selfish if I do that. I have been neglecting my family. I have been focused on myself. Ngayong kailangan nila ako, I will give them my full attention.

Hindi ko siya magawang tawagan o itext man lang. I don't have the courage to do so. I let my phone ring the entire night hanggang sa namatay nalang ito. I charged it earlier hoping that my mom will at least text me about my father's condition.

Tinignan ko ang Caller ID at agad itong sinagot nang makita na si mom ang tumatawag.

"Mom?"

"Safira, anak," she called out softly. She sounds like she has not been speaking for a while. 

"Yes, mom?" halos walang lakas kong tugon.

"Your dad wants to talk to you," she said. I sucked in my breath at what she said.

Dad wants to talk to me?

Nanginig ang aking labi.

Hindi ko yata kaya.

"Mom..." nag-aalangan kong untag.

"Don't worry, Safira. He's stable now. He just wants to see you."

I bit my lip and heaved a sigh.

"I'll be there in a few," sabi ko kahit nanghihina. She then told me which hospital and room my dad was confined in. Tahimik lang akong nakinig sa kanya.

"Thank you, anak."

"Okay..." tugon ko nalang. Nanahimik kami saglit hanggang sa putulin na niya ang tawag.

I closed my eyes as I laid limp on my bed.

Ilang saglit lang ay naisipan ko na ring tumayo upang makapaghanda sa pagpunta sa ospital. I just wore a simple shirt and pants at bumaba na.