Frozen Fire

Chapter 42

The end is nigh.

Chapter 42

Treacherous

I was restless.

I can already feel the bags under my eyes becoming heavier by the second. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang gagawin. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang mangyayari. Hindi ko alam. Wala akong alam.

I sighed in defeated as I stared at the plain white ceiling of my room. Something I have been doing in the past few days.

Ang mga gabing dapat ay payapa ay kinikuyog ng mga negatibong ideya at alala. My previous self would smirk at the present me, that's for sure.

Nasaan na ang Safira na matapang at walang emosyong ipinapakita? Nasaan na ang Safira na hindi nagpapatinag sa kahit sino? Nasaan na ang dating Safira?

Napabuntong-hininga ako ng malalim. Ipinikit ko ang aking mata ngunit nang makita ko ulit sa aking imahinasyon ang alala ng gabing iyon, muli ko itong binuksan.

Hindi ako makatulog.

The choice was between opening my eyes and staring at my plain, white ceiling or reliving the negative memories as I attempt to sleep.

I'd rather keep my eyes wide open.

"Safira?" A muffled voice from outside my room called out. It was my mom.

"Yes?" I weakly answered. Hindi naman siya sumagot kung kaya't inulit ko ito ng mas malakas.

"Can we talk for a while?" she asked. I pursed my lips.

"Mom, I don't really wanna talk..." I trailed off, making sure to still be respectful. Natahimik ng saglit ang aking ina. I suddenly felt the urge to go and open the door for her and console her because I know that she's hurting too, but the heaviness in my chest prevented me from doing so. My defense mechanism of avoiding the confrontation with the chaos got the best of me.

"Okay..." she mumbled through the door a few moments after. Pagkatapos noon, I heard her footprints gradually lowering in volume as she walked away from my room. I can't help but feel relieved.

Hindi ko man gustong paalisin ng ganun nalang ang aking ina, I just don't have the energy to talk about things. All I want to do right now is to calm my mind and sleep everything off. Ayoko nang mag-isip.

Ayoko ring may malaman pang hindi ko gugustuhin.

Napabalikwas ako sa aking kama. I laid on my side and stared at the moonlight peeking through the little gap between the curtains which was covering the glass door to my terrace. In the slightest, the light beaming from the moon calmed me. At least, something is there for me. Something which would not hurt me. Something which only gives light to the darkest of nights.

I breathed out a sigh. I grabbed my phone and checked the time. It was 2:57AM and I still haven't slept a wink. 11PM nang mapagdesisyunan kong matulog, but until now, my brain is wide awake. It was not letting my tired body sleep at all. I locked my phone, placed it back on the bedside table, and stared at the curtains of my terrace again.

Ngunit ilang segundo lang ay muli kong kinuha ang aking telepono. As if it was out of habit, my fingers found themselves tapping a certain caller ID. Before I can even stop myself, I was already calling Phoenix.

Naisip ko na masyadong huli na para patayin pa ang tawag. Besides, this is what I want. Why couldn't I let myself have the things that I want once in a while? Why am I depriving myself of the things that I truly desire?