The Promise

Chapter 23 - Everything I Do is ALWAYS Wrong

Chapter 23 - Everything I Do is ALWAYS Wrong

Feeling the hot ocean breeze ruining my hair, the sun kissing my skin, the birds were singing sweetly and waters spashing onto the rocks. I just could't help but feel emotional. It has been an hour since I sat in the sand, I found a little beach behind an old church here, not too far from the park. And it has been three weeks since I'm here in the Philippines. In total honesty, I like it here. But I just couldn't stay here.

Why? First of all, the memories here keeps coming back to me; all the pain I'm feeling and how I managed to face them right now. I managed myself to control myself, sometimes I never noticed anything, like how my friends told me Dylan Andrews likes me but I was too shallow to see that. I don't even notice the way he looks at me and somehow I never thanked him for his efforts of trying me to see pass through him. Speaking of which, I only saw Dylan once at the party, I wonder what happened? But anyway, he'll show up eventually.

Secondly, I fought with my mom. I never should've done that. That was foolish of me and immature. I should've talked to her when I'm not in the stage of tearing people's head off. That was the first time I yelled at her, and cursed in front of dad. I shouldn't have put all the rage I had inside me at her. They love me. They give me anything, I want and/or not want. I was acting a total spoiled bitch when I said that. Now I regret everything I said to her... to them. I'm such a bad seed.

Thirdly, before I even sat foot in here I told myself to be mean to him, shove him away if possible but why do I even got the feeling that I most definitely can't do it. I always made the wrong choice. I never notice anything bad until I realize it myself. Was I really that insensitive? And then I realized I kissed him twice. I let him kiss me twice. How stupid could I get? I promised myself not to get close to him but somehow I did the opposite. Sure I curse at him, yell at him, punched him, be mean to him, and everything he deserves from me. But why do I even feel that all of the sudden I want him to be what we are now. Although we bicker each other a lot, but I actually enjoyed his company.

I hit myself to get some sense. Promise is such a big word. Wait, crush that. It's just an eight letter word with a strong meaning. I found myseld thinking, Promises are made to be broken, right? Now that's stupid, why make promises you can't even keep?

I inhaled the salty air deeply, "Just say sorry Jane and mean it. They'll forgive you." I told myself. I couldn't help but burst into tears. It has been a long time since I last cried. I just can't take the pain I feel. Sometimes, we cry so we can lessen the burden we feel inside. Not that we're weak. When people say that Crying is for the weak, then they're the one's who are weak because they can't even express themselves even though it's eating up inside them and that's how they get weak.

It has been a long tiring summer. With both good and bad memories. Sometimes I'm selfish for not wanting the bad memories. I want the good ones to remember. Because no matter how hard I try, I find myself remembering all the bad and hurtful memories. But I just had to be strong. I had to just learn from those mistakes.

Suddenly a little voice in my head asked, "What if you keep repeating the same mistake?" That's hard to answer all by yourself, huh? But for me, we're all human. We make a lot of mistakes and learn from it. But if we keep on repeating the same mistake, which means, we haven't learned the lesson yet.

Sighing, I placed my chin on my arms and continue watching the nerve calming view. "I can do this. Just one more year and we'll all go in our separate ways."

I stayed like that until it became dark and walked home, ignoring the cold night air. I got one more question. "How can I face my mother and father now?"

*****

A/N: Heyyy guys! I wrote an emotional chap because I got emotional this morning. Sigh. This chapter is where I poured out my pain and everything. I hope you understand. This is getting to know what has Jane been thinking about the whole news thing.

So enjoy guys! I might not update for a while because exams are coming up and I have less than 2 days to study :((

But it's okay guys, I will not forget that I have another priority here ;) So please continue to Vomment (Vote&Comment).